a few hours later Derek was in the living room with Logan. Logan was fed and his diaper was changed.
Derek went into the kitchen to make something to eat. a few minutes later there was a knock at the door.
he put the spoon down and went over to the door. he opened the door and saw his mother. "Hi, ma," he said in a defeated voice.
"Hi, Derek," she smiled sympathetically as she walked past him and into the house.
"Did they tell you much at the hospital about Meredith's condition?" she asked before walking over to where the bassinet sat next to the couch.
"No, they didn't know anything when told me she was in a coma all they said was that they didn't know anything about how soon or even if she is going to wake up," he said.
"Just because the doctors say she's not going to wake up doesn't mean she's not going to wake up," she said gently picking up the baby and cradling him in her arms.
"then what does it mean when they tell me there's a chance she won't wake up?" he asked, sitting down on the couch.
"it just means they don't know, you shouldn't take their words too seriously," she said, keeping her eyes on the baby.
"you were a nurse for your entire adulthood," he said confused.
"nurses are different than doctors, just because they're not 100% doesn't mean there's no chance of her waking up," she said.
"you're scared she's going to die," she said, finally looking at him.
"of course, I'm scared... I'm terrified," he said, tears coming to his eyes again and looking away.
"she's going to wake up... and she's going to be just fine... believe me, I've met Meredith and the way she's going to die isn't going to be from a c- section," she said.
"Okay, but what if she doesn't wake up...? and Logan never got to meet her, and earlier he was crying for her again and I don't know what I'm supposed to do when she's not here and he wants her," he said.
"how do you know he wants her...? he did eventually stop, right?" she said.
"I know because at the hospital when he was asleep next to her I picked him and wanted to put him in the car-seat but then he started crying for the next twenty minutes... I was going to leave the room like the nurse said and when I put him back with Meredith he stopped crying and fell back asleep," he said.
"he's a baby, it's normal for him to want his mother," she said. "I'm fine with that, It's fine if he wants Meredith it would just be a lot better if Meredith was actually here," he said, still looking away.
"Derek... you should look on the bright side," she said. "Ma, there is no bright side to his, Meredith was supposed to have a simple procedure and now she doesn't have enough blood in her brain because the stupid surgeon cut too deep!" he said standing up and walking in the kitchen.
"Derek, you can't be too loud, he's still asleep... but in the worst case scenario that Meredith wouldn't wake up... you would still always have her baby," she said.
Derek stayed quiet and started thinking. he thought back to see if he could have seen it coming earlier.
"I had a feeling something bad was going to happen the entire time, before the surgery and right before they cut her open... the bleeding started right after they took him out and I noticed Meredith was starting to look a little pale... I asked her if she was okay and she kept on saying she was fine, and then she told me to leave and be with the baby... I think she knew something was wrong," he said, thinking back to the moment.
"I don't think she knew, Derek," she said. "No, she did. she told me I wouldn't want to see what was going to happen next, I wasn't going to leave before she told me to leave again... she didn't want me to know something was wrong and she told me to leave... and when I finally agreed to it she told me she loved me and told me to tell Logan I loved him and then I left... and that was the last thing she ever said to me," he said, tears falling from his eyes.
"... she probably knew you were going to worry if you knew and she wanted you to focus on the baby instead of worrying about her," she said, gently bouncing the baby as he started to fuss a bit.
"maybe..." he said.
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