I took some pills for my stomach a bit ago and I'm starting to feel better. Derek's sitting on the couch doing... I don't know what he's doing as Logan continues to sleep in his bassinet.
Logan starts crying and Derek stands up and walks over to him. he picks him up and bounces him a bit until he's quiet.
Derek sits back down on the couch with Logan in his arms and he settles back in. "I'm going to go to the store, are you going to be okay with Logan for a couple of hours?" I say.
"What? where are you going?" he asks. "I'm going to the store to pick some things up," I say. "what things? I went grocery shopping yesterday," he says.
"yes, I know but there are some things that I forgot to tell you I need and I going to get them today. I'm sure you'll be just fine," I say going into the bedroom to get dressed and do my hair.
after I'm ready, I go back out to where Derek and Logan are. "do you need it now?" he asks. "yes, I'll need it in a couple of hours probably," I say.
"how do you know?" he asks. "I just do Derek, and while I'm there I'll pick up some diapers," I say, grabbing my bag and coat, and putting on my shoes.
"but we already have a bunch of diapers for the next few months," he says. "I know, but he's going to need some bigger ones soon," I say.
"Please don't leave me alone with him," he says. "my phone says my breast pump came in the mail, you'll be fine for a bit," I say.
"what if he gets hungry?" he says. "he just ate, and if he does give him a pacifier," I say. "But-" He says. "No, I'm leaving. I love you both and don't do anything stupid please," I say as I grab my keys before leaving the apartment.
****
I come back a few hours later with my hands full of bags. I open the door and walk inside. "where the hell were you?" Derek asks when he sees me.
"honey, I'm home," I say walking over to him and kissing him on the lips. "so... what did you need that was so important?" he asks.
I put the bags on the coffee table and pull out one of the boxes. "here," I say handing it to him. "oh... I could have gotten you these if you had asked," he says opening the box and looking inside.
"I wasn't sure when it was going to come. people say it doesn't always come when it is supposed after you have a baby so I wasn't sure when it was going to happen and this morning my stomach started hurting so I figured better safe than sorry," I say.
"is there a difference between regular stomach pain and period stomach pain?" he asks. "surprisingly yes, you can feel the difference," I say.
"Really?" he asks. "yes," I say. "does it hurt shoving this up your vagina?" he asks. "your dick is bigger and you're asking me that after this morning?" I say.
"Good point, but this look a little big, I get it with my dick your horny so it's easier but this is different," he says staring at the tampon.
"it did at first but not anymore," I roll my eyes. "thank goodness we don't have to worry about this with Logan," he says.
"Just wait until the next child, we're bound to have a daughter eventually, I only have sisters, you only have sisters. I'm still surprised Logan came out a boy," I say.
"I'm glad our first was a boy," he says. "why what's wrong with having a girl first?" I ask. "nothing, I just mean I like having a boy as the oldest, it'll be good if our second baby's a girl. I like knowing that if we have a daughter I can send her out with him and know I have nothing to worry about. I would've been happy with a girl but if I sent them out alone something could happen to the both of them, and yes something could happen to Logan too but there's a higher chance of something like that happening to a girl than a boy," he says.
"yes, I know. I agree," I say, sitting next to him. "would it bother you if I had our son work out in high school?" he asks.
"as long as he doesn't break a bone," I say. "he's not going to be one of really weak, he's going to be strong," he says.
"you're not going to teach not to show emotion, are you?" I say. "No, I'm just going to tell him only show emotion to the people you trust," he says. I make a face.
"Everyone should do that," he says. "you don't show your emotions to me," I say. "I let you know when I'm happy, you know when I'm mad, you know when I'm horny," he says.
"you're always horny," I roll my eyes. "that's a good thing," He says. "but you never cry. I've cried in front of you before. I bawled my eyes out to you when I thought I miscarried Logan, but you never cried, you never cry," I say, moving to straddle his lap.
"you want me to cry?" he asks placing his hands on my hips. "if you feel like you want to then yes, I want you to cry," I say.
"I have nothing to cry about, I'm happy, I have a good life. I'm marrying the love of my life, I have a beautiful son, I have a good job and so do you. I have nothing to say about it," he says kissing me on the lips.
"I know but even then. I still cry sometimes, Logan never makes you want to cry when he's getting out of hand?" I say.
"no, he's a great baby. we should get married soon while he's like this," he says. "I know but... did you ever cry when I was in the hospital in a coma? I knew you were scared before the surgery but you didn't cry about it... and I'm sorry I acted like how you felt didn't matter but at the time I thought there was no reason to be scared," I say. "... but did you?" I say.
"yes, I did cry. but I did it at night before bed," he says a quieter as I look into his eyes. he looks a bit upset.
"do you want to talk about it? we don't have to do it right now but we can tonight when Logan's asleep," I say.
"Meredith, baby. I'm fine now that I know you're okay," he says. "yes, I know but you don't ever get scared? I happened so easily the first time, do you ever get scared that it could happen again?" I say.
"... no, Mer. I don't, I know that's not going to happen," he says looking at my chest instead of my eyes.
"Derek, it's okay... we can talk about it and you can cry if you want. I'll hold you while you cry," I say kissing his cheek.
"I don't need to cry," he says. "do you want to cry?" I ask. "not right now," he says. "did you shave?" I ask kissing his cheek again.
"yes, why?" he asks. "you smell like aftershave, it's nice," I say. "we're going to talk about this tonight, okay?" I say.
"Okay, if it makes you feel better," he says. "I want to make sure you're okay, I don't want it to turn into something bigger if you don't talk about it," I say.
"yea, whatever," he rolls his eyes. "it's my job to make sure you're okay like you do me," I say. I kiss his lips before standing up off his lap and I put everything away.
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