we arrived back at home, once we got settled in Emily went straight to her room while Meredith went to bed with Logan.
I locked the front door and went into the bedroom. "are you tired?" I ask. "No, I've been asleep for two weeks, I think I got enough rest," she says.
"what about being a mother, how does it feel?" I ask sitting down next to her.
"it feels nice, I just wish I could've been a parent the two weeks you were," she says.
"you were a parent, you were just... dealing with the aftermaths of the giving birth part, I didn't have to do that because you grew a baby inside of you. I took care of him while you were in a coma and you took care of him the nine months you were pregnant, and now that's he born and you're awake we can both take care of him," I say kissing the side of her head.
"you're not scared anymore? you were terrified before the surgery," she says. "and now we know why. but no, I'm not scared anymore," I say.
"you're never going to let me have another c- section again, will you?" she says. "no, I understood why you did before but now I don't know if it's worth being in a coma for,"
"I don't really mind it. at least he's fine," she says. "I'd rather have you both alive then just one," I say. "this is a once in a life time thing, it rarely happens... I was born by a c- section," she says.
"and?" I say. "and... my mother was hoping the scalpel would cut me open too," she mumbles while looking down.
"did it?" I ask. "No, but I did need surgery when I was a year old so that might pass down to Logan," she says.
"great to know," I roll my eyes. "so if we want another kid I have to push it out?" she asks. "No, I-I don't want to tell you what to do but I also don't want you to get into a coma and I know you're scared of a natural birth," I say.
"maybe we stop at one. I did say I wanted only one baby when we talked about it the first time," she says.
"do you want to stop at one?" I ask. I want to have more kids, but then again I'm not the one that has to give birth.
"not really. something still feels uncomplete," she says. "and I still need to do something," I mumble.
"what do you need to do?" she asks. "nothing, I just have some work," I say. "you already have work you need to get to? I thought you were on paternity leave for a few months?" she says.
"I do, but I'm only going to start work when he's older, when he's walking because when they're crawling they're always crying because they're mad that they can't go wherever they want... and they stop eating everything on the floor because they can't see it anymore," I say.
"and Emily will be six then and she can play with him for a bit while we're creating another sibling for him and another cousin for her," I say kissing her cheek.
"what about birth?" she asks. "you want to get some else to do it for you?" I ask. "no, that ruins the getting beat up by an unborn baby part of it," she says.
"I like that part, I thought you were complaining all those times," I say. "I was but it was also kind of fun," shrugs. "I don't know, being pregnant does weird things to you," she says.
"and the birth part?" I ask. "I... we'll think about it when it happens, we just had our first let's not worry about the second so soon," she says looking down at Logan as he starts to fuss.
"you should feed him, he's most likely hungry," I say. she nods before she leaves the room. why did she leave the room?
I hadn't gotten the chance to shower in a bit so I decided while Meredith was feeding Logan I would use up the time.
I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. I dried myself off and I put on some comfortable clean clothes.
I leave the room and check on Emily and I see her asleep on the floor with her toys.
I walk over to her and gently pick her up and place her in her bed. I pull the covers over her before leaving the room and closing the door behind me.
I walk back into the bedroom and get in bed. a few minutes later Meredith walks back into the room with Logan asleep.
she places him in the bassinet and get's in bed. "why did you leave the room when you went to feed him?" I ask.
"he doesn't nurse when you're in here," she says grabbing her phone from the side table.
"what, what do you mean?" I ask. "he won't breastfeed when you're in the same room," she says as she scoots closer to me and lays her head on my shoulder.
"how do you know?" I ask. "because I tried when you came into the room and he wouldn't do it, but then when you left to get the discharge papers signed he latched on, but he didn't eat for long because you came back soon after," she says.
"yes, but... why? why wouldn't he feel comfortable with me in the room?" I ask. "I don't know, maybe he get's nervous," she says.
"or maybe the time he spends with you he wants it to be with only you," I say. "I don't think his brain is able to work like that yet," she says.
"or maybe he misses you from when you were in a coma. he cried for you a lot," I say.
"he did?" she asks lifting her head up to look at me. "yes, when I was about to leave the hospital with him when he was born he would stop crying. I was going to leave the room I placed him next to you and he stopped, he likes you better," I say.
"that's fine. he'll like you better when he's going through puberty," she says. she places her phone on the bedside table before she lays down.
she wraps her arms around me and presses her face into my side before she closes her eyes. I run my fingers through her hair as she falls asleep.
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