Meredith was now in the operating room. they were now giving her the meds so she wouldn't feel the procedure.
"Are you sure about this? after this you can't go back," he asked again. the doctor stopped to see if Meredith was going to change her mind.
"yes, Derek. I'm fine," she said. the doctor continued and injected the rest of the medication.
"Are you sure you're not scared?" he asked. "Derek, the only person here that is scared is you and you're not even the one getting cut open. everything's going to be fine, calm down," she sighed.
she laid back and relaxed to make things less uncomfortable. "what are you doing, are you, comfortable?" he asked in a bit of shock.
"yes, I am," she said. "why?" he asked.
"It's actually good for her to be comfortable, the more relaxed she is the smoother the procedure will go," the doctor said.
"See, everything is going to be fine, you have no reason the be nervous," she said.
"I'm not sure about this Mer. I have a bad feeling," he said.
"do you want to hold my hand?" she asked. "yes, I actually do," he said.
he took her hand in his and held it tightly. she gently rubbed her finger over his knuckles, calming him down a bit.
"I still have a feeling something bad is going to happen," he said. "and you'll be the first to know. you're insulting the surgeon, and the surgeon is the last person that should be nervous," she said.
"Even then, it doesn't feel right," he said. "do you feel nauseous? do you feel like you're going to be sick?" she asked.
"No, I feel like you're going to die," he said. "Derek... I'm not going to die, I promise you. this is just a simple procedure, it's just one cut and then they take the baby out and then the suture it close and that's it," she said.
he didn't say anything else. he knew Meredith was right but something still felt wrong or it felt like something was going to go wrong.
he couldn't explain it because it didn't make sense, not even he understand why he felt this way but he did. and he was almost positive something bad was going to happen.
"do you want to leave the room? you don't have to be in here when they do it because they're going to be doing it as soon as I don't feel anything," she said.
"no, I want to be in here when it happens, this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing," he said. "yes, but we're going to have more kids one day, you can be in here for their birth," she said.
she didn't think he was going to be focusing on the baby when he was born because he would be too scared something bad was going to happen.
"I'll forget about it, I'm sure you're right," he said kissing her forehead.
****
everything was going fine. they had removed the baby. he was a healthy baby and he cried as soon as they took him out, ensuring everything was perfectly fine.
"See, he's fine. you should go be with him," Meredith said. she was starting to feel less than herself. at this moment she knew Derek was right, something was wrong but she didn't want to scare him and the baby needed him more than she did. these were the first minutes of his life and if she was going to miss them she didn't want Derek to also.
"Meredith, are you sure? you look a little pale," he said squeezing her hand gently.
"yes, I'm fine. I'm going to be here for a bit longer and I don't want you to miss the first few hours of his life. you should go be with him," she said. she could feel herself getting worse and worse and she wanted Derek to leave before it was becoming too visible on her face.
"Meredith, I don't think-" he said but she didn't let him finish.
"Derek go. I don't want you to be here for what they're going to do next. this part the family's not supposed to see... just go, and remember I love you and tell Logan that I love him even though I've hardly seen him... go be with our son while I can't," she said as she did her best to smile, trying not to scare him. but at this point, he knew his feeling was right... something was wrong.
"Okay," he said. he kissed her on her pale lips before he let go of her weak hand and walked over to where their newborn son lay.
"something's wrong," the surgeon said before he started to look for what was causing it.
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