Officer Shepherd✔️

Chapter 87

Meredith

I wake up to a sharp pain in my body. I turn over and see Derek's still asleep. I don't want to wake up.

I carefully get out of bed and go into the bathroom. I pull down my pants and sit down on the toilet.

I feel a sting of pain but I try to ignore it. Once I finished, I wipe and stand up. I pull my pants up and when I go to flush I see the toilet bowl filled with blood.

I feel tears burning in my eyes before one falls down my cheek. I put my hand in my pant and feel myself.

I pull my hand out and see my fingers covered and blood. I feel a sob come over me but I swallow it.

I flush the toilet and wash my hands. I walk out of the bathroom and get back in bed. I lay myself down next to Derek and wrap my arms around his waist.

I press my face against his neck and kiss him gently. "I'm sorry," I whisper before closing my eyes.

****
The next morning I wake up and no longer feel Derek next to me. I sit up and rub my eyes before I hear the bathroom door open.

"You're awake," Derek says as he walks out of the bathroom with only a white towel around his waist.

"I was worried about you," he says as he sits down next to me and kisses me softly on the lips. I can still feel my eyes burning from last night.

"Why were you worried about me?" I ask. "Because you had a nightmare last night," he says. It wasn't a nightmare, it was real.

"I don't remember that," I say. "It's probably for the best, you woke up sobbing it took almost an hour to get you calmed down," he says. That must be why my eyes hurt so much.

"Is everything alright?" He asks trying to look into my eyes and when I look at him he gives me a comforting smile. I don't know if I can tell him I killed his baby before I was even born when he's this happy.

"No," I shake my head as I start to feel a sob come over me. I push it down instead.

"Why, what's wrong?" He asks with a concerned look on his face.

"Last night I went to the bathroom and when I went to flush I saw the toilet was filled with blood, I'm so sorry, Derek. I didn't know it was going to happen," I sob. I cover my mouth and turn away from him.

"Meredith.. it's okay," he says softly putting his hand on my shoulder, trying to get me to look at him. I can't look at him knowing I did this.

"Meredith, it's not your fault. Come here," he says. "No, I-it's fine, we don't have to do this anymore," I say, collecting myself and wiping my eyes.

"Not do what anymore?" He asks. "This, y-you and me," I say. I remove my hand from my mouth and pull the engagement ring off my ring finger.

Had I done this one thing right I could keep this ring and get married. But I had to ruin it.

"Meredith, don't do this... please," he says as I place the ring next to him. "I'm so very sorry," I say turning to finally look at him. I've never seen him so hurt before, it kills me.

I kiss him one last time before I get up and go into the other bathroom. I close the door behind me and slide down to the floor sobbing.

***
A few hours passed and I assume Derek left when I have him the ring. I stand back up and walk over to the sink. If I look into the mirror I'm going to finally see what my parents see and I don't want that.

I keep my head down as I wash my face with cold water. I try my face with a towel before I open the door and walk out.

I walk into the living room and I see Derek sitting on the couch with my-the engagement ring in his hand as he looks at it intently.

"I thought you left," I say as I stand in my place. "Did you want me to leave?" He asks as he looks at me.

"No, I just figured with that happened you would've-" I say before he cuts me off. "'Meredith, I didn't ask you to marry me because you were pregnant," he says standing up and slowly walking towards me.

"I asked you to marry me because I love you, I'm fine with it if we don't have this baby anymore, we can always try for another if you want, but children aren't the reason why I proposed," he says as he's now standing in front of me.

"I know that," I say. "Then why did you give me the ring back," he says as he holds my left hand in his.

"Because I thought since I killed our baby you wouldn't want to be with me anymore let alone spend the rest of your life with me," I say.

"You didn't kill our baby, things happen whether you expect them to or not, this miscarriage was not your fault, Meredith," he says.

Just because he says it doesn't mean it's true. I was never fit for the mother role. I should never have gotten pregnant to begin with.

"Stop blaming yourself, why don't we go back to bed and then we can go to the doctors tomorrow to see why this happened," he says.

"The kids," I say. "They're at school, and their father called earlier. Let's go back to bed and we can watch tv all day. It won't fix anything but it might help," he says.

I'm too tired to say anything. I nod my head yes and we go back to bed.

I got bored 🥱