Officer Shepherd✔️

chapter 69

I had a few more drinks before Derek said we should leave. "let's go, I'll take you home," he says. "but... Cristina and I drove here," I say.

"Cristina went home with that ginger twenty minutes ago. give me your keys," he says. "where are they?" I ask.

"they're in your purse," he says. I pick up my purse and almost drop it. "here, give it to me," he takes it from me.

"come on," he takes my hand. "where are we going?" I slur as he takes my hand. "I'm taking you home," he says.

"but the t-twins are there, they're going to see me d-drunk," I say. "they're asleep," he says, wrapping his arm around my waist.

he takes me out to my car. he helps me in the car. he got into the driver's side of the car and pulled out of the driveway.

"Why does it smell like flowers in here?" he asks. "that thing," I point to the thing that makes the car smell like lavenders.

"is it a bad smell?" I ask. "No, it smells like you," he says. "I smell like alcohol, that's not a compliment. if you insult me more you're going to make me cry again," I say.

"Again, when did I make you cry?" he asks as he drives. "when you left I cried," I say. "why didn't you call, or why didn't you cry when I was there?" he says.

"I don't tell you those things. you've made me cry a lot, I just don't tell you," I say. "why don't you tell me?" he asks. "because crying makes me feel weak, and I don't like to cry, it hurts," I say.

"It hurts to cry?" he asks. "yes, my throat closes and I can't breathe," I say.

"you should tell me these things, Mer," he says, placing his hand on my thigh. "it's not that bad," I say.

"It's not that big of a deal," I shrug. "Meredith, how often do you cry and not tell me?" he says as he stops driving when the light turns red.

"Sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, sometimes four, or every day," I say. "Meredith, that's horrible," he says, putting his arm around my shoulder and kissing the side of my head.

"I'm not supposed to tell you this, I'm drunk, that's the only reason I'm telling you," I say.

"Well, you're not going to be drunk forever so tell me now," he says. "why have you been crying?" he asks.

"I don't know, I just feel sad a lot of the time," I say. "about what?" he asks. "I don't know," I shrug. "sometimes I remember bad things from years ago and it makes me sad and then I cry,"

"Meredith, that doesn't sound normal," he says softly. "don't you cry sometimes, you know about your dad or something?" I say.

"No, Meredith. never, I did when I was a kid but when I talked to my mom about it helped me cope with it," he says.

"oh," I say. "Meredith, you should talk to someone," he says as he drives again when the light goes green.

"why?" I ask. "because you have things from years ago that you haven't coped with," he says.

"it's not that bad, Derek," I say. "you just said that you cry every day," he says. "sometimes I cry every day," I say. "that's not normal, Meredith. you have to talk to someone," he says.

"I'm talking to you," I say. "you said you hide this from me and that the only reason you're telling me this now is that you're drunk," he says.

"I'm fine, Derek. it's nothing," I roll my eyes. "you're not okay, Meredith. this isn't normal," He says.

"it's my normal I've been doing it since I was five, it's no big deal," I say. "Meredith, just because you've been doing it for over twenty years doesn't mean it's normal," he says.

"Just take me home, I'm getting tired," I say. "would you have sex with someone that's a little drunk?" I ask.

"Meredith, I'm not having sex with you if you're drunk," He says. "I'm not drunk, I've sobered up a bit," I say.

"is that so?" he says. "yes, I'm starting to regret telling you all that," I say quietly. "don't, we'll be back soon," he says.

"Good, because you if don't have sex with me I'm going to cry," I say. he looks at me confused.

"I was already an emotional wreck when I got here, so it's a bit worse now that I'm drunk, and that you're here," I say.

"I'll write that down," he says.