after he had called his mother and told her about what happened with Meredith's surgery and how she fell into a coma.
she said that she would be in Seattle as soon as possible.
Derek went back into Meredith's room and gently removed Logan. when he removed him he started to fuss a bit.
he was quick to soothe him back to sleep. Derek sat down in the chair next to Meredith's bed and gently laid Logan down on his lap.
he carefully removed his onesie, making sure not to wake him. he opened the new diaper and removed the dirty one.
he folded it up like Meredith had shown him a few weeks ago. a few weeks ago when Meredith wasn't in a coma.
he put the clean diaper on him and then dressed Logan into a clean onesie.
surprisingly, Logan stayed asleep the entire time. Derek lifted him to lay on his chest as he leaned back into the chair.
Logan stayed asleep for around ten minutes before he started to fuss. nothing worked to get him back to sleep so reached over to the small table next to him.
he grabbed the bottle and removed the cap. he brought it to his lips. the second he felt the bottle he quickly latched on, and Derek laid him down on in his arm so the milk would go straight down.
once Logan had finished almost the entire bottle, he spit it out. Derek removed the bottle and put the cap back on.
Derek thought about what he had to do next. he remembered that there was something he was supposed to do after feeding the baby but he couldn't put his finger on it.
he reached into the diaper bag and looked in the bag to see if it would help him remember, but he couldn't find anything.
so instead he took his phone out of his pocket and looked it up on his phone... he had to burp him after he fed him.
he knew his phone across the room. he couldn't even remember to burp the baby after he fed him. how could he raise a baby on his own if he couldn't even remember to burp him?
he hated that he wasn't able to remember how to take care of his own child. Meredith would never have forgotten that, she knew how to do everything before the baby was even born.
when Derek was worried about whether he was going to know how to do it or not Meredith had told him it would come to him when the baby was born... but it didn't.
and she said that if it didn't come to him right away she would always be there to remind him... but she wasn't.
she had promised him she wasn't going to die... but she lied. but Derek knew he couldn't be mad at Meredith for this because it wasn't her fault.
she had only said that because she didn't think this would happen, not even the doctors knew this was going to happen.
there was a high chance Meredith wasn't going to make it and Derek was going to have to take care of this baby alone. if that was the case he was going to have to move to New York because there was no way he would know how to raise a child without a woman's help.
but he couldn't just leave Meredith alone. if she were to die he couldn't just bury Meredith in Seattle and move to New York... she had no family in Seattle and Logan would never be able to visit her.
if Meredith was going to die he would want her to be buried close enough for him to be able to take Logan to her grave as much as possible.
Meredith said that they would have more kids, so Logan wouldn't be alone... but now that could never happen... unless he were to find someone else. but he didn't want someone else... he wanted Meredith and Meredith only.
and if he couldn't have her then he didn't want anyone, no matter what Meredith was the only person he had ever found love in and he wanted to stay that way.
he wanted his first love to be his only love... and with Meredith, it would be the same.
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