Marvel imagines pt.4

D'yavol pt.3 🌿 Black Widow (may contain spoilers?)

Song: Lorne Balfe - Natasha's fragments.

'Who are you?' The man asks.

You don't give him time to talk on, you're on him in a split second. He dodges your attack however. You counter him which he clearly didn't expect. You turn and drag his arm over your shoulder, successfully working him to the ground with a loud thud.

'Who are you?' The man repeats out of breath, you roll your eyes. Of course you already recognised him, but hey, who would leave a chance to beat his ass?

'She's my sister, Steve..' Natasha sighs.

'Eto obidno ... deystvitel'no li nuzhen byl etot vzdokh? Znayesh', ya tol'ko chto spas tebya iz tyur'my..' you scoff. (That's insulting.. was that sigh really necessary? I just rescued you from prison you know..)

'Enough Y/n...' Natasha stops you from uttering more Russian to her. 'These are my friends..'

'With terrible disguises... they're not spies.. I can tell..' you huff as you walk past them. 'You wasted your time.. she's already out...'

'We can see that...'

'v kontse kontsov, oni zhe shpiony!' (They're spies after all!) your enthusiastic gasp makes Natasha chuckle.

'igray chestno!' (Play nice!)  Natasha replies.

'I am!' You argument echoes through the hallway as the group follows.

'I've never heard you speak so much Russian before...' Steve comments to Natasha. 'Not in front of us anyway...'

'I usually don't have to.. but with her.. that's the only language she will listen to me in..'

'I have a feeling that even in Russian she doesn't listen to you..'

Natasha stops in her tracks when she sees the mess in the hallway leading up to the entrance. 'Y/n.' The stern voice makes you turn around.

'I told you not to make a mess!'

Your brows raise in offence. 'Izvinite menya? YA ne sozdaval etogo besporyadka! pochemu ty vsegda dumayesh', chto eto ya ?!' (excuse me? I did not make this mess! why do you always assume it is me?!)

'It wasn't her Natasha..' Bucky replies. 'We uh.. did that..'

'Spasibo!' You throw your hands in the air. (Thank you!)

'Okay, let's get out of here before they catch me and with that.. you..' Natasha speaks up.

You smile to yourself, sitting at that table with more than just one person felt nicer than you expected. Especially after spending so much time on your own for the past few months.

After the defeat of Dreykov, your sister getting captured by the American government, and the rest of the family leaving to find the widows, you've had some relapses.

All this time, from the moment you got out of the red room to the second Dreykov laid dead at your feet, you've had one goal. You've worked years to reach it and now that you have, you don't know what to do anymore.

So you think, until your brain decides to go back to the time in the red room. You caught yourself performing old habits more than once. Perhaps it's good that now there are more people around to talk to, to get your mind off of things.

The nights however, that will still be a different story. Those supersoldiers and Sam will be out like a light, men usually are. You could throw a bomb near them and they still wouldn't wake.

The nights are still your own to deal with. So here you are, sitting on the windowsill, staring at the streets down below. Your head comfortably rests against the glass.

You let out a sigh as your eyes move to your wrist. The skin is red and angry looking, you've tried to soothe the ache but the metal of those cuffs never fails to cut deep.

A figure emerges from the darkness, joining you in the windowsill. Natasha softly slides her hand over your wrist, you turn your head to her and give her a soft smile. No further communication is required between you two, you can talk through eyes only, like only real sisters can.

'YA v poryadke' you whisper and she nods. (I'm fine)

'ya znayu, no ne vsegda tak..' (I know, but you don't always have to be) she replies.

You nod to yourself, she's right. It's yet another trade forced upon you by Dreykov, you don't show weakness, you handle everything on your own. You keep quiet.

'If you want to talk about it, you can... I won't make you any less in my eyes.. you don't have to fear him coming after you anymore-'

'That is not it..' you cut her off. 'I am not afraid of him.. never was... it's.. it's complicated...' You sigh. 'ya ne khochu ob etom govorit'..' (I don't feel like talking about it)

'Okay.. when you're ready... I'm in no rush...'

'Why is that? What are you and your friends up to?'

'Some missions here and there... saving people and all..'

'akh, posmotri na sebya! igraya geroya.' (Ah, look at you! Playing the hero)

You both share a brief laugh. Natasha gently shoved you making you laugh even louder. It gets silent again, both of you remaining with a smile on your face.

'You could join us...become one yourself... we could use someone like you on the team.. I would really like it... I have some feeling the boys wouldn't mind either...'

You're taken aback by her sudden invitation. You haven't even really thought about the possibility of you joining the group. You don't see yourself fighting evil, when you still consider yourself part of that evil.

'I don't care what you think about yourself Y/n...' Natasha speaks up, seeing the frown on your face. 'I do not care about the red in your ledger, I care about you.. and the good you can do.. the good you've already done by ridding the planet of Dreykov.. you're their best recruit... what if you can use that against people like them?'

'Natasha.. I am not the same as you-'

'No, and that's exactly why we need you... Y/n we have people of various places in our team, we have an assassin, two supersoldiers and a veteran... you'd fit right in...' she encourages you, you appreciate her trying to pull you with her.

'I... I'll think about it...' you get up and start walking back to your room.

'Y/n?' Nat asks.

You stop for a second and turn to her. 'Yes?'

'It will go away eventually..'

'I know...' you smile back at her before continuing your way to your own room.

You close the door and walk over to your bed. You sit at the edge and debate on wether or not you should give into the urge.

You take the cuff in your hand, the metal is cold and not that inviting, but it's the only thing your brain knows is safe. So you place your wrist into it and close it again.

You slowly lay down and pull the covers on top of you. You close your eyes and try to regulate your breathing. The falling asleep part isn't the hardest phase, it's the staying asleep that you struggle with. It kills you little by little every time you don't get to sleeping at all.

Should you even join them? They're not waiting for someone that is as murder soaked as you are, they're also not waiting for someone that doesn't know how to separate the real world from the red room. Someone who has to chain themselves to their bed every night to provide this false sense of security.

On the other hand, you'll get purpose again, something other to think about instead of wallowing in self-hatred.

You can feel it already, it's going to be the "ceiling shift". Wide awake and staring up at the familiar ceiling all night long...