Marvel imagines pt.4

25 going 102 🌿 Steve

Song: Rupert Gregson-Williams - Duck shoot

Imagine; nobody really understands that Steve had to become an adult while he's still in his 20's mentally. You do because you have the exact same thing happening to you.

•••

The mission was horrible, nobody was doing their absolute best and it showed.

Just too many missions in a row and Steve was tired of always having to take the lead.

Yes he was the oldest, physically. But if you look mentally wise, he was one of the youngest avengers in the group. He just had to grow up so fast.

And you understand that feeling like no other, sure, you hadn't been through the same as Steve had. You weren't injected with a serum, your parents didn't die when you were a teenager resulting in living on your own. But you too had a tough childhood.

You too were forced to grow up just like Steve, expected to take the lead every fucking time. It is tiring. So no wonder Steve, and the whole team fucked up.

But the fact that the whole team is blaming him for their own failure makes your blood boil, none of them understand what it's like to grow up with always being the leader, or the go to person.

'You should've kept your head in the game Steve!' Tony snaps at Steve.

You can see it hurts Steve, you can see the eyes glancing over with tears, ready to just fall at any moment. Steve would never admit it to you but when everyone was against him, it made him ache. Especially if it comes from the people he considers family.

'Tony stop it!' You snap back at him for Steve. 'You should all be fucking ashamed of yourselves!' You yell shutting them all up for once.

'So just because Steve gave a wrong order, you all blame him?, don't you have fucking brains of your own?!'

'He is the leader so we all follow him!, he makes a mistake?, then it will make us all fail!' Tony replies. 'Exactly like today!'

'You could've used your own tech to make a decision!, and there's not a single paper that confirms Steve is the actual leader here!, we are a team!, so why the hell would you all gang up on the one man that has carried us through literal hell!'

'He's the oldest, he should know better...' Tony mutters and that's where Steve draws the line.

He shoots out of his chair and hastily walks off, to his room, maybe the training room, nobody really knows.

'Steve wait...' you turn around but he's long gone.

'He won't admit it but this makes him lay awake at night, maybe he cries himself to sleep... but you won't think about that when you say those things... will you?' You turn to all of them.

'Y/n.. you don't have to-' Natasha starts.

'Oh but I do...' you cut her off. 'You all just don't get it do you?, Steve is not the oldest here... physically yes, but his mind is that of a 25 year old man... he was forced to grow up...'

'Oh and you do get it?'

'Yes, because I had the same!, I have to act older in every scenario and it tires me out, so imagine how tired Steve must be after all of this... you always cuss him out.. you should all grow the fuck up exactly like Steve and I were forced to!.'

You turn to leave, you don't want to spend a second longer with them because you're about to see red from rage.

'Oh and just for the record... today's failure was on ALL of us... so you just sit down and think about that while I go and actually help Steve with the struggle instead of calling him out on it all the damn time!' You walk away leaving them speechless.

Especially Tony who's been the hardest on Steve is now silenced for a while.

•••

'Damnit!' Steve curses as yet another pencil breaks.

His rage and sadness are battling each other inside of him, the rage being the one that breaks every pencil he owns as soon as he places it against the paper; the tears slowly soaking the drawing representing the sadness within him of his own team hurting him like that.

His body tensed when he feels two hands slowly sliding up his shoulders and down his arms. But as soon as he hears you softly saying his name he relaxes into your touch.

You slowly teach down to take the pencil and the drawing away from him. You put it on his nightstand before returning to your original spot behind him on the bed.

'It's okay...' your head lulls against his. 'They don't understand...' you close your eyes and he does the same.

'I'm so tired...'  his voice is broken, you never knew that a man like him could be so broken inside.

'I know.... let it out Steve...I'm here...'

For Steve it's the relieve he has been searching for. He needs someone to hold him. He doesn't remember the last time someone held him while he let all of his emotions out.

So he sits there, with you wrapped around him from behind, your head against his and your hand laid softly against his cheek.

'Its not your fault... you know that... we are a team... You're not the leader Steve... you don't have to be the leader... not anymore.. you can be yourself.. I understand.. I won't judge.. because I know..'

And that sets him off, he starts sobbing so loud. Because this is the first time in literal decades that he is able to let everything out, that he feels safe enough to do so.

'I feel so weak...'

'Steve...' he turns to you when you let go. You cup his tear stained cheeks while he looks into your eyes with his bloodshot and puffy ones.

'People cry, not because they're weak.. but because they've been strong for so long... and you Steve... you are allowed all the tears in the world... I've never known anyone else that was as strong as you've been all this time...' You yourself get teary eyed.

'Why are you helping me?' He asks suddenly and you think for a moment.

'Because I know what it's like... to be forced to grow up on their terms... I know how imprisoned that can make you feel... I had to go through it alone but you don't deserve to...'

'Thank you...' he shows you a weak smile and you return it.

"Crying is how your body speaks, when your mouth can't express the pain you truly feel"