I've typed these and read them a few times each and I feel I'm being real clear here . I'm not ur enemy, I want us to be cordial at the very least . I've had my heart broken but I still wanna be good to each other. ..and I promise you I'll always be here for u . No matter what. Any time any day any night. If u need me. U call. Baby girl I wish u could have explained how to do this. Before u left . Cuz my chest hurts so bad. That pain u spoke of. I have it now. And it's not easy . At all. Please make it stop. ....me : I love you now and always. I agree with ur terms. Where do I sign up . ? I'm glad we have kept our tradition u ask me not to and I do anyway . And u set the pace and course of our relationship. I do what it is that's best for you. Always. U need space and I back up ..u need me I'm right there . U wanna make love. Yes . U need food I cook. .me: I'm sry u didn't believe I didn't love you enough to stay. And thus maybe a real hard one for u. But I love me way more then I love you so I've gotta think of me and my kids I'll have one day . If something were to happen to my husband one day I'd be able to support my kids on my own. And one day I'll need the money to take care of me. ,when men can't handle a strong woman and run off . Either way I need me secure ..and feel as tho u had my back . I need a man to stand with me not carry me . Jay I'll always love so much more then you will ever know. I wanted to come home and us start our life together. Now I'm making my way alone... I'll see ya some day . And I'll smile and remember the good times. I truly hope you find ur happiness. I hope you find someone who will love you the way I do. Good luck . My love. I cried for hours that day. And I finally picked me up and got on with my choices .. I can't stay in this place .I've worked very hard to get out . And when I get back home to mom's house imma work on getting my own place. I want to start that life I've dreamed of .. and the past few weeks have shown me more then anything that I can do this all by myself .. I've got me . Wow one week and I'll be home that gives me serious butterflies! ! Which is crazy I know . But seeing jay would break me . Just destroy me . I know he's done with me for good. But my heart is a permanent fix. I love jay more then I ever have. I want him back. But I know when jay sets his mind to it . That's it . So yeah. I'll have to hope that we just move on and take life without each . It's Monday I'm sitting in class ,last week of class ! I'll be home Sunday . Wow seems unreal . The way things have happen here , my days are a blur of high pace going here and there , my nights are spent with Matt . He's the best really. And I know without any doubt that he cares for me .. and I care for him. We are so close now. We Kiss for hours and cuddle ..and we have sex a lot ! Every day. For weeks now . I'm not in love with him. I can't be I still love jay .but Matt being here has made it so much easier. And his friendship has meant so much to me. I'd do anything for Matt he truly is a good guy. He's just not jay ..I'm not delusional enough to think I'll ever love anyone the way I love jay. Never !!! But that's over .and I shouldn't have to be alone .. I'm not alone I have Matt And kammie here . And I have sissy and Tammie There . I'm a very blessed girl ! And with all my hard work I'll figure out a life for me .. I have to work and when I get back to my apartment I have to start packing the things I don't use .. I want to be ready to go Saturday. I'm so ready to bored that plane home . To see sissy !! I miss my baby so very much. And Tammie. We have to seriously talk . I have weeks of info for her ...and my tat !! I can't wait to show her .. it's perfect I love it . Leaving work I see Matt walking toward me .. he says hey baby ! I smile and hug him. He says u Wana get some food .. I sure do ! I say. I ask Matt can we get it and go back to my apartment I have so many boxes I need to fill.. Matt looks sad. He says u packing to go home huh? Yes . I can't wait to see them . He knows who. Matt and in have had so many conversations about my life ..
