Jay hasn't let go of me at all in the past two hours. He's been rubbing me and kissing me every where .. I can't get enough .. he can't get enough . We have been twist around each other like vine .. Jay has a sound of sad and kinda like he's got a cold when he talks to me or whispers. All the crying did effect his voice .. but he sounds so sexy. This sound is close to his morning voice .. not good for my hormones.. or maybe excellent for my hormones... either way this is more then I deserve . How did I get this dam lucky. Jay is laying on my chest ..I'm rubbing his hair. He's rubbing his thumb on my rib cage .. he's finally calm down enough he's not franicly kissing me or squeezing me .. he's just laying here .. I know he needs sleep. He will drive back tomorrow. . He wants Kenna and I to go home with him. Am I going home him ? I'm not sure there is a force on this earth strong enough to keep me from going home with Jay. Nothing short of God above will keep me from being with my husband now .I've prayed for this and now he's here . I have to do everything in my power to keep us together .no more games . Absolutely no more games. It's time to adult . I have to be the adult. Which means making very hard decisions and sacrifices for this family I've made ..i can do this . I'm stronger then they see me . Jay looks up . Baby ur thinking so hard I can't sleep.. he says . I laugh. I'm sry baby. I tell him .. he says which conclusion have you come up with .. I tell him. . Jay I'm coming home with you . I want our family to be together. I want to be with you. I'm gonna trust you. I'm gonna believe you. I'm gonna give us my every thing . One last time. If we have one more fall out this bad. I will not come back . I know we will fight. I know we will argue. But if anything happens were we question our marriage or each others character then I'll run . And not look back ..fair enough ? I ask him. Jay says yes. Fair enough. I won't do anything to make you question where my heart is. ..and I don't want you to.. he says. I say exactly .. we kiss for a few minutes. Jay pushes away he gets off the bed .. he says I'll be right back .. I lay there happy content blessed blissed out .. Jay had been gone for a while .. he walks in the room with a breakfast tray full of stuff. He turns the light on with his elbow .. I sit up wrap the sheet around my chest. Jay sets the tray on my lap. There is my pineapple cake four bottles of water our cigs and my eye drops . He looks at me and says Kenna is fine I checked on her .. his eyes are so puffy and red .. he looks so sad.. I just wanna make him happy . He picks up the bottle of water opens it and drinks the whole thing . He picks up another bottle opens it and hands it to me. I drink it ..he picks up the fork and eats my cake .. he's eat over half of it .. he says I haven't eat .. I look at him and squint my eyes ..he says I know baby I'll makeup for it. He sounds groggy and sad .. he puts cake in my mouth. He says uve lost weight too. I look away . He says ull make up for it too. This is a statement. He wasn't asking me. . I shake my head yes.. he tried to smile. I asking .. Jay why do u seem so sad still. He says I'm not sad baby I'm just tired. I didn't sleep. . I wanna hold him so bad .. I hear Kenna crying mommy mommy. Jay moves fast .. he walks in the room with Kenna in his arms .. she sees me and reaches for me .. I move the tray and take my baby. She's getting so big. Jay moves the tray off the bed. He turns off the light and crawls in the bed behind me. Kenna in front of me .. the three of us lay down and fall asleep. .. Jay was making his rattle noise in my ear . The best sound ever. Jay sleeping so calm and comfortable. I'm in family bliss !! This is my comfort. Kenna was out .. I can sleep now.
