I'm sobbing. .. he's at my ear .. baby I'm sry . I freaked out. I'm sry baby please forgive me. I'm sry. I just can't put marks and bruises on you. Your my wife. .I love you. I can't see bruise on Ur skin and not feel like the worst man .. I'd never hit U. U know that ..but doing it in a sexual way is not ok either .. please baby forgive me. I'm sry. I wanna play .but we have to be careful from now on .. I mean it. He says. Please roll over here to me. Please baby I'm serious. .I roll over to him he pulls me close and kisses me and the kissing turns passionate quick. He says I want to take u to our bed and make love to you ..what do u need baby .. I think another drink .. but I don't say it .. I need you to touch me. He reaches up under my blanket and starts ....he's two fingers deep . And I'm almost crying out in pure pleasure .. he's says more ? I say yes .. he's gonna make this happen and I'm so tired ..can I. ? I can .. it hit me so hard. ..he's in my ear saying baby ssshhh. I love you. I pull him on the couch with me he's making love to me ..it's amazing but I have no energy to match him move for move .. he says don't ..as I try ..he says I got u baby .. an hour later I'm in our bed safe warm comfortable. .and wrapped tight in my husband's arms. He's saying I love you so dam much baby .. please don't leave me. Please baby we can work all this out . It's just gonna take some time and communication. . OK. I shake my head yes .. I'm not leaving Jay .. I fall asleep with Jay rubbing my side. And kissing my hair . The last thing I heard was him saying Ur my whole world .. .. I wake up and Kenna is crawling on my bed she's pulling her self up by the cover .. I pick her up and look around Jay is still sleeping ..I look at Kenna . Who took you out ur crib . I sit up and grab my child . Looking around . Jay looks up .. McKenna who got u out Ur crib I ask ..she says me mommy .me . I look at her crib .. Jay says what's wrong baby .. I say Jay McKenna crawled out her crib by her self .. Jay says high five ..Kenna fives daddy and laughs. .. I say Jay no no. That's not good .. he says she's a big girl. Kenna Says big girl .. I say no no. No. My Lil Kenna bug. U stay a baby u hear me .. she says I big I big ..and laughs . She has the most adorable giggle! Kenna says eggs eggs .. I say fruit . She mean mugs me .. Jay says she's got that mean mug down huh ..he laughing.. we are making breakfast going over a plan of action for the fact our daughter is now able to climb out her crib.. Jay says so where are we going tonight ? I tell him this place downtown .. he says ok .. Jay looks tired his eyes are puffy .. he says what ? I say you look tired .. he shakes his head yes . Then he looks at Kenna and says I'm never gonna miss mornings or anytime with her over our nightly antics tho ... I raise my eye brow at him .. he smiles. I say we'll if you'd just take a break from the shit for a few nights we could all get some sleep ... he laughs hard . He shakes his head yes. And says ok. Noted.. I laugh .. an hour later we are playing with Kenna in her play room .. Jay is laying on the love sac.. looking at a tinker bell doll.. his eyes are half shut. He's so tired.. my poor baby. Kenna is talking to daddy .. but daddy finally closed his eyes I tell Kenna outside.. she says yes.. I throw a blanket over daddy .. he's so dam fine .. I'm standing in the back yard with McKenna pushing her on the swing when I see marrissa walking up .. she says can we talk ...? I say yes.. she has Ethan with her. He reaches for me .. mimi. Mimi. He says. She hands him to me and I hug him tight I start crying . I put him in the other baby swing. She says I know you love him . I say yes I do . I start . Marissa I'm so sry. Please hear me out . She shakes her head yeah.. I didn't plan that day. I wouldn't under any other conditions have done that. I'm not sure what he's told you , but I was sick over losing my baby. And Jay . Marissa I saw Jay holding her . Kissing her. And I know you can't feel sry for me. And I'm not looking for you too. But I lost my husband and my baby in one night. And my world went blank.
