Jay is looking at me like I've lost my mind .. I'm looking threw the cookie Jar ..I take out the cookie I want .. and sit down at the table. Jay is standing close by. Other side of this table watching me. I have found my back bone ..but really I'm testing him ..let's see if he's really able to hurt me I've been beat before. . I can take it . And I refuse to live in fear !! Let's do this. Our daughter isn't home. ..I need to know. . So I'll push ... he says I wasnt holding anyone's ass! Oh but u were too! I say. ..very sarcastic! He says OK. check I win that round . I've gotta provoke him .. it's OK tho my hips were warm too I say and wink at him.. as I stand and walk to the trash can and throw away the empty Pepsi bottle . He gives me the deathly evil stare.. OK . I think .. now I've got his attention. He stands up. He says don't Melanie ...dam he's on to me .. how do i do this. ....think .. I say what Jay tell u that I get the same attention ur handing out like free flyers ... I'm sry you think u can but I can't. I think it's fair ! You touch another I'll allow another to touch me how's that work for ya ? He says you should act like a mother and wife !! I say you should act like a father and a husband! !!! Not a Lil fuck boy ! He snatch the chair out of the way and it hit the floor as he moved toward me. I move quick . He stops and looks at me. I stand there I did not run. I refuse to keep running! He says I'll stop being a fuck boy ! When u stop being a whore!! Awww I thought u wanted me to be a whore... I say so sweetly ... you've even been teaching me the ropes. literally ! I say ... he looks like he's mad ! Really mad. He says you've been a great student ! I say thank you! He says you proved along time ago u had it in you on that stage. Like u did tonight. .. don't hate that I catch on quick baby ! I say he says I'm not . I just wanted you to find ur self respect ... I've waited long enough he says .. oh whores have no self respect! ! You can't create a whore and expect her to act like a house wife !! He steps another step closer .. yeah what was I thinking you'd ever be able to respect me you were in bed with two others in the first 6 mons! I say thanks for the sweet introduction to this world .. I'll take it from here . He steps closer .. what's that mean ? Melanie. He ask . Your a smart Lil man u figure it out. I say with pure malice ! The evil in my eyes must be evident. But Jay don't back down from anything ever.. he reaches for me as I'm stepping out the kitchen . I moved just in time to escape his grip.. I move quicker down the hall. My brain was saying run bitch!!! My heart was saying let him catch u .. my fear was saying brace ur self moron! ! He grab me so hard he slam against the wall in the hall .. he said are you saying ur gonna cheat on me .. no ! I'm not . I say loud. .. he says u better clarify ur self real quick .. I say slowly as he's a retard.. if you act like a child and act out . I will too. Get me ? I ask . He is holding me to the wall hard by my arms.. he says so that's where we are .. your just waiting on me to fuck up so u can .. no ! I'm just saying I'm not gonna sit here and let u go fuck up and I sit around and cry .. fuck that !! I push him off me when he let go with one hand. I walk away . I'm in our bedroom he says you need to decide if you wanna be my wife .. I turn to him. I say yes Jay I do wanna be ur wife ! And I want to be with you only . I wanna be sexual with out being called whore!! And I wanna be loving with out being seen as weak . And I'm a great mother but u jump on me about it the first sign of an issue .. u use our daughter as a ploy to get back at me. .. you hurt me till I can't stand on my own two feet then condemn me for being weak. Wow Jay the mind games you play have fucked me up so bad i don't even stand for all the things I believed in . I'm not living life the way I imagined it. I'm living on ur terms .. I'm scared of the one person I can't live without. Which is how my life has always been . I wanted to do this differently. I know life throws u curve balls and it's not ever even close to what you saw in ur mind for ur self . But wow Jay I need this to change. He's soften his look .. he stares at me. .. I keep going . Jay you want me one way then get mad when I do it. I can't win with you. He says what do you mean ? I say you want to play but then call me a whore..he says I didn't call u a whore because of what we do in bed. It's how u conduct ur self out there .. I get it a lady in the streets a freak in the sheets huh.. he says exactly. But on with me. .. he says
