An hour later she is sleeping and I lay her in her bassinet. And Cover her up .. I walk to her room with all her new stuffed animals and stuff from the hospital I put them on the shelves . So cute . I clean up the mess at the changing table and put the diaper in the diaper genie. I put the bottles from her diaper bag and the one we just used in the sink in hot soapy water .. I make my self some coffee and sit down. I'm tired . I look at my phone for the first time in days it seems like. I have 6 text . 67 notification from fb. Wow OK then I look at text first .. Matt : congratulations on your beautiful daughter . Glad ur happy now Melanie it was good seeing u again! OK what ? He's married. so not cool. Wow. Should u text back that was yesterday. .... ugh I don't know. The other text are from Tam. . I call her . We talk for 39 mins.. and then I text her saying Matt text me .. she says wth? Yeah my thoughts too. I tell her . She says don't reply!!! I haven't I tell her .. OK. Well I'm gonna wait it out till the next feeding then get some sleep ..I turn on the TV and watch . Jay wakes up and says why are u not sleeping ? I'm gonna wait to feed McKenna and after I feed and change her I'll get some rest .. he says I'm sry. I was out cold .. I know. It's OK. This has been exhausting already. He climbs in the chair with me. And holds me tight . I'm happy content and so loved .. I guess the comfort of Jays arms helped me nod off .. cuz I wake to hear Jay talking to McKenna he's standing over her bassinet . He looks so good. And such a good daddy . I smile at him .. he says she didn't cry but she's awake . I say I'll get her bottle and warm it . I look at the clock it's been three hours again. Wow she don't wake every two hours every time. Some times it's three .. we sit in the chair together and feed her . She's so beautiful Jay says. I say I know. She looks like u. He says no she looks like u .. we laugh. McKenna has big brown eyes and blonde hair she looks like her daddy . But OK . When she is full and burped I hand her to Jay and say I've gotta get her some new clothes and get the changing table ready .. he says OK . He's talking to her like she understands him. He says mommy is running on coffee and fumes. We need to let her sleep .. he's kissing her face and saying I love you baby girl. When I come back . I tell him lay her up here . He does and we change her together. She's so good. She's so perfect. And so so cute in this sleep suit. It's hot pink with polka dots .. awwww. I can't wait to dress her up and take her out . She's like the real baby doll u play dress up with. .. I'm losing it I really do need sleep. When she is all cleaned and sleeping her in daddy's arms. I clean up this mess and lay down on the couch. I'm out . 2 very short hours later we do it all again. . And then 3 hours later we do it again. . By then it's breakfast time for me and daddy. Jay holds our daughter while I make frozen waffles and fruit from a can . Jay says ur never gonna cook again are u. I say don't count on it while I talk and eat with my eyes closed .. Jay says baby u can lay back down. I say nope this is our life now. Get use to it .he says yeah. It is but it's worth it. I just love her so much .. and I love you too. He kisses me. Yeah I love you too.. I say with so Lil love ..Jay looks at me like wow .. this man has no idea how I feel. My whole body aches , I'm so tired , my stomach is still cramping . I've lost 40 lbs in 2 days ! I'm bleeding like I had a leg amputated! ! My belly feels gushy and wrinkled .. I have two stretch marks that are so purple. No more bikini swim suits for this momma !! I didn't know I'd feel this different about my body after having her. . I love her beyond anything don't get me wrong . But if we are talking about me .. and well I was .. yeah my whole entire world has changed. I'm going threw too much at once. This is crazy. . And the two times I've looked in a full length mirror I've cried hard .. how is Jay gonna see me know. Will he be turned off ?
