Jay says I can see you married with a few kids running around .. I look at him like he mixed his meds this Morning. He says I know you don't see that yet ,you wanna do the career thing first .. but ur gonna be a great mother one day . I smile . After the house is clean and back to normal . Jay is talking to his dad outside . I decide , I need to shower and get ready. We were lazy all day. So I haven't even thought about a shower or real clothes . I'm standing in the closet not really looking just kinda thinking too hard .. some clothes make you remember what happen when u wore them .. I smile even if things are over with Jay I have some good memories. Jay appears in my door way. He says melanie ... yeah I answer he walks on in the room. Whatcha doing ? He ask .. getting some clothes out. I answer him. He says oh u going out ? No . I have to run to Walmart in a Lil while but that's about it .. oh. He says . What's up Jay ? I ask cuz well he's sitting on my bed and not really said why.... he seems like he needs to say something .. but the words ain't there .. he says I wanna ask u something, with out us getting into a screaming match .. OK I say .. he looks at me like your gonna scream .. I smile. . He stands and shuts my door . He says I wanna know did you u love Matt? I look at him as if he morphed in to a alien . He says seriously. . NO ! Jay. Not even . I liked him as a friend he's a good guy . But my heart wasn't in that .. my body was but my heart, no . Jay looks at me and says so it is possible to have a physical relationship, and feel nothing . NO ! I don't believe that , u feel something. It's not what u expect either. .. but u feel something. I felt bad when I left Italy because I'm pretty sure he had more feelings for me then I had for him. I feel bad because I sorta used him .and that's not who I am. Jay says why did you need him so much .. I look away. I was in a whole nother world. And far away from my comfort .I just was so sad about us and I needed to feel safe I say .. Jay says yeah I get the whole mess we have made .. but your pretty confident in ur self .. you don't need a man to confirm who u are .. no not who I am. Just warm body to make u feel safe and comforted .. Jay says yeah. But I don't feel that way with anyone else .. I look at him quick . He's staring at the floor . Jay ? He says I've always been the one who had to be strong and take care if everything. And with you I know you will take care of me too. I say always . He says don't. .. what. I ask . He says you can't say that .. it's hard enough just being here with you. .. what do u mean Jay ? He says. This room holds too many memories. . Try sleeping in Here ,I say ... he looks up at me . Is that why you wanna move so bad . Part of . I say. He says you wanna forget our time together... no I would never wanna forget. ..just hard on me living them every minute. .. he shakes his head yeah... why do we always get in theses deep conversations .. Jay says do u love me?and I have that emotional pain run threw my chest .. yes I do .i say he looks down to the floor , I love you too melanie. He says in a drained I'm so tired voice .. I wanna scream come home to me then !!!! But I tried that and he don't want me.... he looks at my face and says .. does the pain from all this prove just how much I really do love you .. ? I say yes. He half tried to smile .. but no. It was a lift of his sexy lip.. and now I'm focused on his lips they are a sight . He says then I love you a lot .. maybe even more then either one of us new .. Jay stands up and walks to the door. He looks back and says I'm going home I'll see ya later baby. I love you . He walks out the door. And shuts it . I roll over and sob. . Why does he wanna keep torchering me with this .. I'm sad I'm hurting so bad. I can't sit still when I think of him .. . I can't even stand right now. I'm sick . The agony of this break up is almost too much I can't breath..
