Four hours later Tammie is still sitting beside me holding me . Sam on the other side of me . I've cried hard Maria made me some herbal tea stuff I'm feeling no better but I'm not sobbing so .. my phone rings and it's Jay. Jay Says grandpa had a stroke and is not doing very well at all . That Rick and him are gonna stay there with him. . I say yes of course . Jay Says I love you . I say Jay I love you too. .. we hang up and I tell Tammie and Sam yall can go on to bed. I'm gonna go to bed too. I have to lay down. Sam says come on we will walk u .. I grab my blanket I'm like Linus with my blanket .. Maria says Mel I'll bring u some water and tea to ur room soon I say thanks. Sam and Tammie hug me and walk away at the hall way. I walk to my room and lay down in bed. I haven't slept with out Jay in a while . This will be weird .. it's very late .. I need to try my best to sleep some for my baby .. I pull my blanket up on me and I lay down wishing that Jay was here holding me . I fall a sleep at some point ..
When I wake the next day. It's around noon. I sit up and drink my water and take my prenatal vitamin. I walk to the bathroom , when I hear the bedroom door open. I walk in the room and Jay is standing there he's been crying his eyes are puffy he looks so sad . He says he's gone . I grab Jay and hug him. He's crying I'm crying .. we stand there for a while ... I'm so beyond sad. This man and I had gotten so close. I can't . I just can't. .. Jay walks me over to the bed and he says baby. You have to be careful. . He's rubbing my belly. I can feel McKenna Rolling around in my belly. I need to be strong for her and Jay. I look up at Jay and say baby u look exhausted. He says I am .. he looks bad . He says I'm thirsty .I tell him I'll get him something. . I walk to the kitchen and see Maria sitting in her chair sobbing Rick is trying to console her . I grab a drink from the frig and walk back to my room. But Jay is out cold. I cover him up with our blanket. I need it but I know Jay needs it more .. I decide I need to get a shower and get dressed I have a house full of people to tend too. I'll cook breakfast . After I've gotten dressed I go to the kitchen and begin cooking for a army of people! ! Show off my culinary skills here.. Tammie and Bea have joined in to help me. Maria can't function she has been with this family for 20 yrs . Very sad to see her like this. Bea has been crying too. We all have . We place breakfast on the island so they can make plates . Everyone is quiet .just eating . When Maria says Melanie u cook this. ? I say yes ma'am. She says wow this is so good ! I smile .she says why u watch me cook u can cook . I say I like ur cooking . She says I love yours. We laugh. She seems sad but trying to make it not so down .. we all talk and laugh. They recall memories of grandpa Rick and Jay . And even Kendra Jays mom . We have all been talking about 4 hours or so. When Jay walks in the kitchen he looks so bad .. just beat up .. he puts his arms around me I hold him tight. We sit at the Island . Jay won't let go of me .. he needs me. This is love . And pain . And life ,and death. We all go threw this kinda hurt . But it hurts even more watching someone you love hurt so deeply . I want so bad to take away the pain from Jay . I ask him u want me to make u something to eat. He shakes his head no . I look at him he says no baby I'm not able to eat right now. I say OK . I just hug him. Jay looks just completely broken . This is bad . I have to figure out how to help him. I want to help him . Jay says imma get a shower now baby . Rick says I'll be back and went out the door . I'm left with my family and friends. Who will be staying till tomorrow. So imma make some lunch stuff. I've cleaned the kitchen after breakfast . So I've got a clean slate .. I decide that I'll make lunch very simple some sandwiches and chips ... and for dinner I'll make stir fry . There are way too many veggies in this hutch so I know I'll have enough . I look to see if we have chicken. We do!! Everyone has run off to do there own thing after lunch .. breakfast at 1:00 lunch at 5 :00 dinner at 9 pm. I'm sitting at the bar . I know I'll need to cut up a lot of veggies . So for now imma just sit here and drink my strawberry milk ..
