Jay walks in the living room he's wearing his under wear only .. he picked out clothes I watched him .. what is he doing .. I mean I'm definitely not complaining. . Happy face !!! But still what's this game or lesson .. I feel exhausted from dancing all night . I just don't want to attend Jays class for blondes tonight. I would say I'm really smart ..but not in Jays world. He does teach me many things like how the man mind works , how sex is a million different things and ways .. but dam. I just think some times I can't keep up . And just when I thought I had this sex thing down he goes and changes the whole script!!! And I feel like a virgin again. Really. I'm scared and confused . And not sure what role I play now. And I his wife ? Am I his mistress? Am I his submissive? Hell I don't know !!!! I hate the feeling of fear in my own home ..I mean I lived in fear when I lived at home with mom.. I always said I'd never feel this way ever again!!! I Said I'd have my own life. No one would ever have me fearful. Why do I allow this ? I'm getting mad .. I need to stop thinking .. Jay walks over and sits down he's holding a dr.pepper .. I swear for a few secs I saw him beat me to death with that bottle in my head ..I've watched too many life time movies ..lol... Jay says I'm mad cuzz I got jealous. .I look at him .. jealous of what I ask in the most calm voice. He says all the guys . They just flock to help u .. I say like the cunts twerking on you. I say calmly .. he says yeah .. he leans back .. he's literally laid back on the couch holding this bottle of dr.pepper he looks like a man whore weekly photo shoot waiting to happen .. Jay is thick not fat .he's built and fucking gorgeous! ! His eye will make you surrender to anything her wants ..and I always do .. but it's so hard to explain how I feel around him now .. I love Jay so much , and he definitely turns me on so much. , and he's my whole world ! But he scares me in the sense he can talk me into anything with very few words .. he just has this way about him. I melt for anything he does! He's my heart and soul.. but this new "play". This act scares me ..I wasn't aware of what I was getting in to ... I just thought I could show him I can be more sexual ..and not so reserved..not so perfect. ..hoe ish... I mean you hear all the time men want a freak in the sheets .. I wanted to be that for him .. I was that for Matt a few times and wow the effect it had on him ...yes ! He rolls his head to the side toward me. He looks at me and he's hot. ..so dam hot . He makes me horny with a glance ..it's intoxicating! I look down . He says come here ..I stand immediately and straddle my husband. . I put my head on his chest and listen ..I can hear him breathing ..he says I love you. ... I say I love you too. I say I'm sry ..he says me too. But tonight was fun. I look up at him and say yeah. He says I saw that ex of urs was there .. I say oh yeah .. did you invite him ? Jay ask. No! I didn't . He must have seen it on fb.. Jay says oh yeah . He says he was all up on you. ..i look down . I say we both had others show us attention tonight. I don't wanna fight .. it's OK Jay we had fun and now we are home together. We didn't do anything wrong ... I stand up off Jays lap and walk to rhe kitchen I take two advil.. I feel my head trying to hurt ... Jay walks in the kitchen he says Melanie do u really think u did no wrong tonight ? In this voice of anger and something that caught my attention quick. It struck a fear in me .. I look up at him finding my courage ...no I did not do anything wrong . Jay walks slowly like a fucking preditor toward me .. he says holding his hand wasn't wrong Melanie ? He ask his voice has gotten more depth.. I say not when u r dancing ... but my voice is so revealing my fear .. I try to straighten up and sound more confident and strong .. he's a lot closer to me. But there is a chair between us . He says so u were holding another man's hand on purpose .. I say he took my hand. That sounded confident .i like that ... he says it's never OK . No matter what . U got me ? He ask. I say yeah ok.. you can hold a cunts ass. But my holding a guys hand is taboo. Yeah Jay. Double standard much ... I walk to the counter .. I've found my voice. And I like it .
