Jay has been perfect , he's been so loving holding me so tight and making me feel incredible! ! Telling me he loves me .. and kissing every inch of me. And the amount of passion is so unbelievable ! ! This is bliss. Comfort, home , love , confusing . When we both have our satisfaction faces on we lay there panting trying to calm down .. he hasn't let go of me. He holds me right where he wants me .. I'm kissing his chest now and I'm so happy. Maybe we can work this out after all . I love him and I can feel how much he loves me . Jay says I have to pee and stands . He puts all his clothes on even his shoe's. Wth? When he walk back in the bedroom he sits down on the bed beside me I've got the sheet wrapped around me as I sit up.. he's turned on the side table lamp .. he lights a cig and puts it in my mouth. Then lights his self one .. he's been to the kitchen. He's put two dr.peppers on the table . He knows I need caffeine for the headache and to combat the meds .. he says do you still wanna go to Walmart ? I say I have too. He says get ready I'll drive you .. I look at him . He says you can't drive after taking ur meds. They make u drowsy. I know this to be true and right now I feel down right drugged the Jay effect .. Jay looks some what down. Like drained .. he don't seem very happy at all... why ? An hour later we are standing in Walmart .. I'm pushing a basket .. he says I'm gonna go look at something I'll be back , he don't kiss me like he use to when he would walk away .. I'm sad . What's going on with him .. I get the things I need . And I'm looking at some socks when he text me. Jay: where are u ? Me: I'm headed to the register . Jay : meet me at the front door when ur done .. me : OK . I love you . ... when I walk to the front door Jay is on the phone with someone .. I walk on past him he follows me . He puts his phone in his pocket as we reach the car. He opens the car door and walks around. I put my stuff in the back . When we are both n the car he says I'm starving you wanna eat? Sure i say .. we pull up at sonic .. he's ordered enough food for 6 people and I have said anything. He says what do u want he ask .. I want a route 44 cheery limeade and cheese sticks. . He orders it and we sit .. I look at Jay and say. You ok? He says no . What's wrong I ask . He says everything. I wait .. jay? He says melanie I'm sry about tonight. I look offended I must look offended .. I feel offended . Why ? I Asks . He looks out his side window. Not at me .. he says Cuz I was wrong for that .. I'm hurt now . I don't think it was wrong I say .. he says it was . I'm sry but it was wrong .. they deliver our food . I put the straw in my drink . The food is making me feel nauseous! And Jay has his straw in his mouth .. mmm . He starts eating .. I can't .. he hands me my food. I just place it in my lap . Jay is munching down. . I say Jay why was it so wrong? He says between bites .. because I'm not sure I can do this ... I'm not really sure I can be with you .. I sit quietly dying .. he says melanie I love you . But I have some issues with us . We just can't do things the way we always have .. I want it to be better . Trust and loyalty! And no games . I want it to be real. Commitment. Adult . No kids play . I'm looking at him .. I say me too. He says you can't tho .. u just have so much going on .. and I need more of you. We haven't been together way before we even broke up .. you got so busy u forgot about me . I'm way too needy I guess. No , Jay I get it. I do . And ur right I wasn't giving our relationship the time and dedication it deserved.. I'm sry for that . I just had to get my school outta the way . He shakes his head yeah .. he says u have that done now. But ur still at the bar and u have the restaurant. . Yes I do Jay that bar is how I support me.. and is have to do 6 mons under chef Jeff before I can be hired as a chef .. he looks at me and says 6 more mons. Of free labor .. yes . I say wow . I know but I'll be full fledged at that point. And. At 20 yrs.old I'll be a chef ..
