I walk in the house and Jay is right behind me. He reaches for me and I cringe ..he says baby please don't be that way u have been that way for weeks .. ur killing me . I know I messed up that night. I made you doubt me .. I'm sorry for that. I am. I'm just standing in the middle of the living room floor he's behind me talking. With one hand on my arm .. I look at the floor I see the tears falling .. I'm exhausted. And emotional. Not a good combo. I feel sick . Like the flu drained .. I just wanna lay down .. Jay says. I wouldn't have made love to u if I hadn't known for dam sure u wanted it .. Melanie look at me please I'm sry ..I want things to get better .. I walk in to his arms and put my head on his chest. I feel my knees go weak .... Jay lifts me and takes me to bed .. he's spooning behind me holding me . I fell a sleep immediately. .
When I wake up its still dark out .. I feel Jay breathing on the back of my neck . He's got both arms wrapped around me .. I know this is just cuz he thinks I'll run. And I usually do . I can't deal .. I don't deal with pain well. I never have .. I either run or retaliate .. and this time I just feel so drained I can't do either .. I just wanna sleep for a few mons... I need him ..crazy huh. He's the reason for all my pain ..and yet he's the only one who can make me feel better too. It's a weird thought .. I need to pee ..I need to move .. I lift his arm off me and peel his other hand off me .. I scoot to the edge of the bed Jay jerked up quick and reaches for me as I stand off the bed ..he says baby ? I say I'm going to pee .. he says ok .. when I walk in the kitchen Jay is next to me in a nano sec.. I've got a Pepsi and a cig I step out the back door. The artic air is no fun. But I have to smoke .. Jay lights one too. He's so dam sexy. Wow. I just stare at him. He looks up at me and says whatcha thinking ? I say I'm not .. he says. Maybe we need to talk to some one .. like a marriage counseling person .. I look at him. .no Jay you need to know that if u wouldn't want me to do it. Then u shouldn't .. he says ok . I walk back to our room and get in bed .. I'm freezing .. Jay stands by the bed and takes off his shirt. He climbs in bed and wraps him self around me .. he says I love you. I'll do better I promise .. I turn towards him and kiss him full on. ..he rubs down my side .. he's working on it.. I know he wants it. And well I dam sure do .. ...
The next day we get ready for the day ..it's Saturday so we are both off work .. we have promised to take Kenna to the zoo. Altho it's too cold .. we are.
When we arrive at Zare house she says get in here its cold as she pulls her robe over her chest. ..Kenna runs to me and pick her up and kiss her face she reaches for daddy. Jay is kissing her face saying I missed u so much bug ..Kenna says daddy bug !! Jay says Kenna bug. It's there thing . Jay sits at the table where Kenna was having breakfast .. Zare says wow Mel u look amazing. .did u have a good night and winks ..I smile ..mark says they had a wonderful night ..while McKenna was kicking me in the back ..he's laughing tho. Kenna says highyaaaa. Like she knows karate! ! We laugh. She jumps in marks arms and says don't kick me .. mark says shhhh not with ur parents here. I Only Do That When They Leave .. Kenna Is Laughing. Zare says yall want some breakfast ..Jay says no thanks we ate already. ..but he still takes the bacon off the plate. ..Zare laughs .. I ask Kenna you wanna get a bath so we can go to the zoo today. She's says yes yes yes !! Mark hands her to me and I take her to the bath room. An hour later Kenna is ready wearing her thick jeans and a sweater with her scarf and boots. She looks so adorable! !! I've blow dried her hair and pulled it up in a bow .. as I'm drying out her ears with q tips. Jay looks up from the video game he is playing with the boys. And Zare has her beautiful baby girl I must hold her. She is so pretty. Jay is staring at me like I'm about to announce something. .. I stick my tongue out at him. He smiles .. he says sissy called .u wanna go get her ? I yes of course .
