Home that night after getting Kenna settled jay and I are talking about everything and he says u love him ..I look up confused . He says ethan. I say yes I do .. he says I know u look at him almost the same way u look at Kenna .. I smile. . Yeah he's a very special part of my world and I'm not at all happy they are leaving .. jay says I know .. we are laying on our couch together when jay says I'm sry I look at him. . He says I'm sry that ur hurting over ethan .and I wouldn't care if u stayed friends with marrissa but I don't ever wanna see Matt again. .. I shake my head yes.. I can't trust her anymore then she can trust me I guess. I mean not that I'd be with him again . But u know how that goes .. he shakes his head yeah I ask Jay is he going to work tomorrow? He says yes . I tell him McKenna and I missed mommy and me. So I think I'll just take her to see Chloe tomorrow and show off my new car. He smiles ..he says his dad got my other car he's gonna sale it .. I ask jay about his thoughts on my working more .. he says I told u. I'm OK with it. But he looks away .. jay don't lie to me . I say . He looks in my eyes and says I'm just thinking that McKenna won't like u being gone all the time .. he's picking at some fuzz on my blanket. What if I split it up. Work some day shifts and some night shifts. Tammie would keep Kenna. He shrugs. What ever u want baby. . He says. He looks sad tho. What's wrong jay .I ask. He says nothing baby. He says will u take a bath with me ? I say yes ..he's running the water in our jacuzzi tub.. he still looks sad .. he was happy all day. But my working makes him change so quick.. he takes my clothes off and then his. He always steps in the tub first then holds my hand while I step in. Ever the gentle men .. he sits down and pulls me in front of him. My back to his front .. he takes the wash cloth from the basket on the wall. And begins squeezing water from it on my chest. . He says I love you in my ear .. I say I love you too. He's got his other hand spread out across my belly .. the only light on is the closet so it's pretty dim light in our bathroom. He's whispering because our daughter isn't far away. ..or for the effect it causes. . I'm not sure yet. He's not made any sexual moves so far. ..he's just holding me and whispering .. which alone does it for me. ..this man could make me do anything. With such Lil effort. .he's got IT .. what ever it is. .. he's got it. And I'm so dam in to him. Always have been. . If he really knew the power he has over me .. or does he? I ask jay .. jay do you know the power u have over me ? I turn over and look him in the eyes ..he's looking at me with a confused look . I'm serious. .do u know how much power you have over me .. he says in what sense baby. He's now squeezing the rag out on my back .. like sexually ? He smiles .. I think that's all up to you and ur moods actually. .he says. I look confused now. He says if u don't want to be seduced , then I really have no power at all. He's looking deep in my eyes ..serious conversation we are having here.. I say that's not true at all jay. I've been so mad or really not in the mood and you've made ur way .. he smiles .. he says sometimes I can . But sometimes your just not there .. have you ever just not been there? I ask .. he says no ..i say for real? Jay says no matter what I'm going threw or having a bad day ..just whatever if u give me that look I'm immediately there.. I bunch my eye brows at him .. he says u have a look u give when ur in the mood. I raise my eye brow . He says I usually know .. but then there are those times when ur so frustrated and angry and ur just throwing stuff around or snatching things up .. I know then that u need some .. I smile. Shyly .. do I do that ? I ask. He smiles and says yes . You start fights and become a real smart ass. And sometimes it's just cuz u need me . That's when I know I haven't been taking care of your needs ..
