Melanie we can make that our reality . We can work this out if we could just be loyal to each other. . If we weren't so close minded we could I say . If we wouldn't be so stuck in thinking the worst of each and except that we cab what the other needs at that time then walk away from those nights still in love and not judging there character and who they are . I say. He says you blow my mind .. I love you so much .. and I want that marriage! !! How can we start that path Melanie ? Please tell me . We are human the fear we will have thinking ..what does the other really think of me after an act like that is so real ..even more so when u really love them . There opinion can break you . I say. He says exactly! I say I know . And ur right it would be the ultimate marriage to never live in fear that this person u love so dam much isn't gonna lose the love because you want to be free and just have the ultimate sex life ..and the love too. How the hell do you do that ? How do u let go of the fear .. I ask .. Jay says live it . Practice it. Go threw it . You have to do those things and see that afterwards that the love isn't changed.. if anything its made the love and trust stronger .. wow I'm mind blown.. this is the most important conversation of our entire relationship. . And some how I'm still so in shock that Jay has admitted those things to me ..I see it that this man must really love and trust me . To put all this out there .. and take the chance of losing me forever ... not knowing if I'd see him as a monster for wanting to hurt her or just hurt a female period .. to trust that much of himself with me .. and yet I did the same .. telling him I've been a whore for another man .. saying to Jay that I allowed Matt to see that side of me ..because him thinking I'm acting like a whore just didn't matter ..which was so right. .. I did things with him that would make Jays head spin .. I thought it was cuz I felt something for Matt . I was wrong . It was cuz I didn't feel anything for him ... his opinion never mattered and I could be free to be out there ... but it made Matt want me more. Why didn't I see that maybe Jay would want me too... that he would be so turned on by me not having all those fears and reservations. .. hmmmm. Jay says let's give it all we have ..let's try this way . Come on . He walks up to me and kisses me the most passionate Kiss.. Jay I'm scared im.nit enough or would never be enough. U have cheated ... u have too baby he says . We just need to really try this .. no judgment. No cheating .. no holding back . You can't hold back because it's me .. I say . He says that's gonna be so hard .. I say yes .. but we will learn how to the more trust we build in letting each other in .. like u said seeing afterwards that nothing has changed in out hearts. And knowing this will take time... Jay says can I please Come home and we really try to do this ... my phone rings . Tam , hey girl where are u. She ask I don't know .. I say and laugh .. she laughs .. u ok? Yes Tam . How is my baby girl ? She's fine ..they are laying down watching frozen .. are u at My house .. Tam says no emwe are at my house . Tam says I'll keep Kenna here tonight if you want . She's already laying down .. yes ! Please do I say ..she giggles . OK girl u have fun.. I so hope so.. I say .. when I hang up my phone ... Jay says Tammie ? Yes she's gonna keep Kenna tonight . He raises his eye brow . And I look down . He hugs me tight. .. if you need some time to really think this over I understand. .I'll go back to my apartment and cry all night ....but I'll be the man to wait . If that's what u need .. he says ... no . Jay that's not what I need . What I need is for you to take us home and make love to me. Anyway u see fit . He hugs me so tight ..I love you Melanie .. I love you too Jay . He says coke on. .. I jump on his back and he carried me to the truck .. it's a long walk back to the car. . I'm hoping he's too tired to beat me when we get home ...
