Please Melanie .. I stand up and walk to his truck . He opens the door . And I step up in his truck .. when I'm in .. he leans in and puts the seat belt on me. He says don't try to get away .. he's smiling . We have been driving for a Lil while .I'd been looking in the floor not paying attention. I look up and we are pulling off on a dirt road . I remember this road .. Jay turns off the truck . He turns to me. ..i look up with tears rolling down my face . He says come here please baby. He leans the seat back and pulls me on his lap . I lay my head on his shoulder. He's whispering hey baby its OK .. I shake my head no .. he says I love you . I shake my head yes .. he hugs me to him so tight. I feel his breathing change Melanie I lost my breath when I walked in there and saw u . U kill me ..my heart was hurting so bad. That pain lanced threw my chest .. I shake my head yes . He says god Melanie it's too much. .. he's rubbing his face on the side if my face. Baby I love you he's crying hard.... he leans his head back I pull back and look at him . He's holding his face with one hand the other on my back . I love you Jay . I say . He shakes his head yes .. I can see the tears rolling down his face fast. It's dark outside but the dash is still lit up .. I kiss his chin . He pulls me to him . He's got his face in my neck .. he says baby . It's too much . The pain is too much. I shake my head yes .. the tears are running down my face .. I kiss his face again.. he kisses me ..these feather light pecks on my lips ..but he says I'm sry . I look at him. .. I'm not trying to hurt you. I miss you so much .... he says . I say I miss you too in The saddest voice I've ever heard .. he says baby I wanna fix this. I wanna make us both feel better . It's hurts ..it hurts . He sets me on the seat . And he steps out the truck. He shut the door. He's walking away .. I put my face in My hands sob .. this does hurt . It hurts so bad .. I look up and see Jay sitting way far away .. at the lake side . I don't remember a lake .. I do remember this road . We made love here .. wow that was fun .. I get out the truck . I walk to him I sit down he puts his arm around my waist . He says I'm sorry . It gets to be too much. I say I know. Believe me . He says I need to know something Melanie. . I look up at him. He looks down in his lap .. I say what is it Jay .. he says will u ...he's crying. He looks away wipes his face and sniffles. I say Jay ... he says come here he pulls me on His lap I'm straddled him. He's has his face in my hair. .. he says I need to know that some day u will forgive me .. even if u never ever love me or want to ever see my face again. I just need to know u will forgive me for our ...baby. he pulls me to him he's holding me so close and so tight . He put his face in My shoulder .. he says I'm so sry I took our baby away . Jay we didn't do anything . We didn't harm our baby. I was having a miscarriage all day .I just didn't know it . I'd lost the mucus plug that morning . And I'd had all the symptoms. . Believe our baby was gone before I ever left Atoka . I've spoke to doc .homsi and a professional. We didn't do anything . It's OK. We didn't . Don't ever blame ur self. It was just that I found out then .. he says are you sure. Yes Jay . He looks up oh thank god. .. I've thought I did this . Melanie if u truly believed I caused that ud. Never ever forgive me. Jay you did not cause that. I didn't either . It just happen .the other stuff u did do tho... I look down . He says yes I did . Because I was stupid. And don't ever expect u to forgive me for that . I won't. I say .. he shakes his head yeah... but that don't mean that we can't figure this out at least for McKenna. . We have to do better for her. . He looks up at me. Confused. Jay we need to be nice and and smile when we see each other . And I have to stop falling apart when I see you .. he's still looking in my eyes I'm still straddled on his lap . He says I'd die . If the day ever comes that seeing me don't effect you. Or me seeing you . Jay we have to get better at it. And the only way to do that is to be around each other . He's still looking so deep in my eyes .. Melanie i can't be around u with out touching u .. we know that . Jay u love me .. he says yes I do! I know but not enough not to fuck her.. he still eye to me .. he says I don't want her .. I want you . I look down first .. he's still looking at me ..
