She says right .. we laugh. We walk in the kitchen and Keith is telling everyone bye ...most of the others have left too... just like 6 people here now that Keith and family left .. bea says she about to get out of here ..after some dessert . Samara is still stuck up Jays ass. And Bradley has walked outside ...Jay looks at me and out the window a few times ...I know he's saying go see him .. I'm so not gonna do that ... I'm still married u twit. I'm thinking in my head .. I just walk over to Maria who is leaving now too. I hug her bye and thank her for my cake .. Jay hugs her too. .. he says u leaving with bea? She says naw. I can't wait on her all night . We laugh. He says then I'll walk with you. . He looks to the island and Says I'll be right back. .. we all know he's talking to samara .. u dim wit... my husband is a dim wit. Twit. Dork ass bitch. Ugh I feel it. Yep my jealous button has been smashed . But wait ..he's doing this on purpose I think. No I will not let Jay make an ass out if me tonight ..I'll win this one if I never win another .. I collect myself and my thoughts ..yes I can do this. I'm gonna give my Oscar worthy role tonight .. i walk over to bea and samara ..they are eating a dessert made by Melissa it's chocolate peanut butter ..something. looks Devine! I check on Kenna ..she sleeping so good. She's really enjoyed having daddy here ..I love her so much. I just stare at her in aww. Jay whispers behind me how is she. I jump so dam hard . I hit him twice .he's silently laughing. ..I'm mad . He says always so easily scared ..he's whispering really ..Kenna is right here.. sleeping . Jay pulls me out the room by my hand .. I take my hand away again. He says I'm mad at you. He looking in my eyes.. I frown ..why ? I ask. He says cuz ur not helping me out. .. I raise my eye brow question face .. he says u hook me up with someone. And I gave you Bradley he's a quality dude. ..just divorced. . He can't contain him self he laughs I push Jay away .. dam .she told him I said go for it .. he grabs me again we are still in the hall no one can see us. He says hey. You don't if I leave for a while do u . I've still got a key. I whisper gotta change the locks. . He laughs. He says I'll be back in a few I'll definitely be here for breakfast with McKenna . Make some thing good tomorrow morning. He says. Laughing .. I pat his chest cereal it is buddy ..I walk away . I'm see samara waiting for Jay .. to return. This thirsty ass bitch.. I'm thinking .and now Jay is leaving with her ...wow. he cares . Oh well. I'm sure I would have been up all night crying anyway ..he's leaving tomorrow. It's Sunday he will have to get back for work .. I look at the clock on the stove it's only 9 pm .. wow seemed later .. it gets dark so early still. Or maybe my head is just so dam fucked. I stand at the counter side and pick up a few things need to clean up after the cook out .. bea says she out hugs me and and Jay ..she don't even look at samara ..she walks out the door leaves me samara and Jay. I walk to my room may as well leave them alone .. I go to the closet and pick out some bed clothes .. and look threw my sample bath stuff I got at the flea market .. yes I like this one it's a vanilla body scrub. .. and a tiny lotion bottle came with it .. I'll try this . I put my Towel out and get all my stuff prepared for a long hot shower .. this has been a long day .. very long and I'm certain my night looks sad.. did he really leave with her .. ? I need to know . .. I walk to the kitchen and look around. The house is dark and ain't nobody here .. I look out side nope no body here .. wow he left with her. .. I think my heart just fell out my chest and Shaq is doing the hula dance on it . I sit down at the island and burst into tears .. like full on sobbing. ..it haven't fell around the part in mons.. I've cried .but not allowed myself to really let go. ..it mean wow he must be real over me . Real quick . He stayed here last night and didn't touch me ..and tidy he was hand delivering me to another guy. ..it to so lost. How do i let him go for good Jay is my soul.. my life . And even tho I've spent 2 mons here with out him. That don't mean he should rub it in my fucking face that he can fuck anyone he wants .. I've got my head down on the counter .. sobbing thinking all this shit..I've been in this state over him too many times . I declare tonight is the final time . I stand grab a paper towel wipe my face and take the top off the cake dish and eat this bitch...with my finger. I'm still sobbing hard as I lick..cake off my finger .. I'm heart broken. But I'll need my eye drops and the ice pack for my face. I have to be able to see him to throw stuff at him ...
