Jay ....? He looks at me concerned . Promise me you will not hurt me I say .. he looks down at the floor he's sitting on the edge of the guest room bed .. I had to make a new guest room in this room. Gave Kenna the other one as her play room. I sit up. Jay baby I wanna play. I like it .. but I can't say I'm not scared .. he looks at me so sadly. I don't wanna do this. .. he stands up and walks out . I lay down sad ..I'm crying . But I need to explain myself better .. I walk down the hall into the living room he's not anywhere .. where did he go . I look outside I see him out in the yard .. he's walking around . Dam this is so bad.. I stand on the patio and smoke .. when I'm done I grab a Pepsi and walk toward him. He opens his arms when he sees me I walk straight into his arms he hugs me tight .. he says I love you Melanie. I say I love you too I look up at him. Let's go talk please .. I say . He shakes his head yeah.. we go sit on the couch .he pulls me into his lap .. I say Jay the unknown scares me. And all u explained was that u hurt her .. and I'm not sure what that consist of .. and we wanna try new things. But I'm not gonna lie. I'm a lil scared .. he looks at me in a sad way . Melanie I would never hurt you ! It's different with you. I love you. You are my heart and soul . My everything. And ur my daughter's mother. I couldn't ever look her in the face again knowing I hurt her momma.. he looks down his voice cracked .. I know he's emotional. . Melanie I look at her every day feeling guilty! Just knowing I emotionally hurt her momma. ..there are things u don't know about my mom and dad's relationship. . I saw my mom cry .my dad wasn't perfect. And it killed me to see my mom cry .. he looks away and sticks the cap on his dr.pepper in his mouth ..this has become a nervous tick of his. It's been going on for a few weeks .. mons.. Jay she doesn't know any of that mess. And she won't. .. he says I know , I know she would hate me if she knew I hurt you. Melanie ur her whole life. .. she is every thing to me I love her Melanie beyond anything u can understand. He looks like he's gonna burst into tears .. Jay I know . I say I hug him.. he says baby I wanna have fun with you. I don't want things to always have to be so serious. . I wanna make love to you and that's serious. But then I wanna play too .. I say me too. He looks at me why? He ask .. because it's important to our relationship . That we have both .. I know this. I'm just scared You know that whole thing of changing ur views on how we see each other. .. Jay looks up at me he says yeah.. for the last few days u been walking on egg shells .. I look away. Jay I'm scared I will not be what you want me to be ..he pulls me to him. Your every thing I want baby. U have to know that. I can't live without you. I mean that .. I look down. .. what if I just can't do this ? I ask .. he says then we won't do that. He says sadly. .. Jay i want to try .. but I just really needed to know your not gonna hurt me anymore .. not emotional or physically. . Jay lol me in the eyes so seriously. . I promise you I'm not got hurt you. In anyway .ever again. I promise. He hugs me tight. .. he say you've hurt me too. Many times. ..we just have to remember the love we have. .. and our daughter. I would never ever hurt her . And that means loving her mommy only .. I say come love me then. He rubs my back .. I say come on I'm serious. He says I'm not so sure we should .. I look hurt I mean I have to look hurt .. I'm hurt .. he says don't look at me like that. Baby. I'm sry. I stand. Up he's got my wrist .. I look back at him .. he says baby. I say Jay I need to get the kitchen cleaned .. he says no. He stands up .. he picks me up ..wrap ur legs around me baby please .. I wrap my legs around him. I put my face down on his shoulder ... he walks to the hall he says which room baby. ?? I whisper the guest room. He walks to the guest room and climbs on The bed with me still wrapped around him. He's on top of me kissing me .. he says why this room baby ? Because I wanna play .. i say ..
