I'm sitting on my couch holding the twins in my lap. They are watching tinkerbell.. I'm lost .. it's been 6 days I can't function .. Jay came by yesterday. But Tammie let him in and I stayed in my room with the door locked. He visited the girls for three hours. I set in bed crying for three hours. Then cried myself to sleep . Every night .. Matt called today. I told him. .I also told him I need some time. . He said ok ..
Day 12 .. I wake up it Saturday and Kenna is standing by my bed. She says ya gonna get out of ur bed clothes today ? She walked away. She looks discussed with me. .. I stand walk to the kitchen and make coffee. I get the twins and walk back to the table I make them breakfast. Two hours later the 4 of us are showered dressed and we look good. I tell the girls we are going out . They cheer !! Walking the zoo with my babies we have fun. I ride the rides with them we eat so much junk food. We buy out the gift shop. They play on the play ground. Made a whole day of it. It was awesome. It's gotten cool again summer almost over. We get home at 7 pm. After we had dinner at chillis . I'm dragging all the girls stuff down the hall when I hear some one knock on the door. The girls are sitting on the couch. Watching raven... I walk to the door and see Jay.. Oh.. he walks in and the girls scream daddy !!! He sits down and holds the girls we haven't seen him in three days.. I continue cleaning while the girls tell daddy all about the zoo today. Jay is smiling big .. I glance at him every few minutes but all I can see is him .. with her .. she won .. finally. She got him away from me .. after we got the girls to sleep Jay walks in the living room where I'm looking desperately for anything to clean so I don't have to watch him leave. . He says hey. Come here. He sits down on the couch. I stand. He says please sit. . I sit on the other end. He looks at me. He says u look good. I look away. He says melanie .. I look at him. He says we have to talk and communicate for them .. I want us to be able to talk . I shake my head yes. He says ur doing better. I look down. He says it will be ok see. .. I still don't look at him . I'm so ready to stand I can't sit with him. I want him .. ugh. I'm sick. In the head .. he looks so dam good ..
I say u look happy. He says not really. But we will get there .. I look away. ..
