I take off running again .. Jay catches me again . He says please stop running from me. I say I don't understand. .he says I know .that's why I'm trying to talk to u ..Jason stop let go of me. I don't wanna hear anymore please .. he got my arm in his large hand . He's got huge hands wraps all the around my arm . I look up at him so scared of him and myself . How could I be married to this man I don't even know. I mean there were signs..if I really allow myself to think about it. .. not that I want to . He hasn't let go of me. Jay let go .. you just had ur fucking cake and ate it too. U got to be loved by me and u got to fuck her anyway u wanted .. I see this .I just can't be with you or even around you. You wanted it all you always have !!! He looks so scared and hurt ..I can't believe thus shit. I can't believe I almost fall for this shit. My daughter's father is a monster .. or is it just that he's gotten to live out his fantasy? And he found away that he could be a freak on a leash with out having to be that way at home. I look at him you've had the best of both worlds huh ... the wife and kid a normal loving family. Loving wife who really did love you .. then you could be a freak with her .. wow . Two very different world's huh. Wow you had the ultimate guy life.. to bad you couldn't grow the fuck up and be a real man .. I yell at him . You don't need help ur not sick . I AM !!! Here I was thinking this was some serious mental issue ..wow I swear I've gotta be the most nieve female ever . You wanna know something Jay I get it . I really do get it .. cuz when I would fuck Matt there was absolutely no love . I just wanted someone who would stop the love fest and really fuck me ... but being a female we are made to believe that we are whores if we have sex like that. Sex is meant to be this expression of how much u love some one and the emotional moment .. and believe those moments are great . I've always loved it so much when we were making love .. but yeah I needed to be fucked sometimes too. .. and insert Matt . I bust out laughing. That was the worst thing I could have said .. Jay smiles .. but hates it too. Omg Jay why couldn't we just figure out soon that we wanted the same things .. well except the pain part .. I will not allow you to seriously hurt me .. maybe right to the edge of that .. I giggle . Jay says this is weird .. ur so not that person .. u shy away from me when I would try to be like that with you .. I think about this .. ye Jay ur right .. because u have this power over me , that does not require u physically hurting me . You could tell me to do anything and I'd do it out of love. And believe me the power you hold over me with the amount of love I feel for you is so much more then any physical fear .. the fear of what you could talk me into is so much more scarey. You have a power over me .. you know I'd do a thing u want me too ..I'm never weak ... until u whisper .. u have known the power u hold in a few hush toned..words . Or maybe you do .. I think some times u use ur love as a weapon. You know ur words have a power over me .. u have to .. he's looking at me like I've just solved the rubic cube by staring at it .. . He's mind blown.
That's why I love you. He says . I look at him .. why because I'm nieve. Because I'm stupid . Because I'd say or do anything and u were too retarded to realize it.. I mean come on Jay . He steps closer to me he pulls me in his arms ..I love you baby . I do . I start crying again . He says tell me what ur thinking .. I'm thinking I just confessed to my husband that I'm really a whore..and secretly for another .. because his opinion of me don't matter. .. I couldn't really let u see me in that light .. ur opinion is crippling.. it makes me who I am .. he looks at me .. exactly Melanie . Now u see why I couldn't be that way with you . You thinking I'm some freak or monster was crippling to my soul . It's love with you .. yes Jay it's love with us .. but why couldn't we make that unconditional and unjudgemental too .. wouldn't that be the LOVE .. Jay says if there were any two people on this planet that could make that happen it'd be us.
