Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Can You Hold Me?

I clicked my pen every few seconds as I tried to focus on my work. I tried my best but I couldn't. The past couple weeks had been so hard for me to do anything and I was just so drained after work but I didn't want to talk to JJ about because I didn't want to worry her. It made me feel lonely though since no one knew about how much I was struggling right now.

But I was done with my files so I had to go hand them to her. "Hey Jayje." I whispered as I walked into her office.

"Hey y/n." I put the files down onto her desk and felt my chest clench as I felt overwhelming dread. It felt like nothing was ever going to be ok again and like nothing had any meaning. "Are you ok?" JJ asked me as I paused. She closed her file and stood up, closing her door.

"Yeah." I sniffed.

"Come on y/n. Talk to me." I shook my head. "Baby, can you please talk to me?" She put her hands on my shoulders and caressed them. When I didn't say anything she sighed and moved her hands so that she was holding mine. "Honey-" She was cut off by my sobs. I felt her freeze, not knowing what to do since she didn't want to make me feel worse. "What can I do?"

"Can you hold me?"

"Of course baby." She wrapped her arms around me protectively and rested her chin on my head. "It's ok. It's ok honey. Shh, I got you." She rocked me back and forth while rubbing my back. "Let it out. I'm right here, ok? I'm not going anywhere." I continued to sob into her chest, holding her against me like it was the last thing I would ever do. She moved one of her hands to the back of my head and started stroking my hair.

About 10 minutes later I had stopped sobbing and I pulled away from her. "Hey." Her voice was soft and sympathetic as she tilted my chin up so I was looking at her. "Can you tell me what's wrong baby?" I shrugged and she sighed. I reached for her hand again and started playing with her fingers. "Y/n. Can you talk to me baby...please? I need you to talk to me so I can help." She let me play with her fingers but used her other hand to caress my cheek.

"I just feel really alone."

"Alone?"

"Yeah."

"But baby I'm right here. You're not alone." I looked away from her and down at her fingers I was playing with. "Can you look at me?" I looked back up at her hesitantly but avoided her eyes. "You're not alone baby." I shrugged and I swear I saw her heart break in her eyes. "Do you feel like I'm not here for you?"

"No...I don't know...a little bit I guess."

"Hey. I'm here for you. Do you hear me y/n?"

"Yeah."

"Do you believe it?" I shrugged again. "What's been going on? You wouldn't be telling me this unless something has been happening for a while."

"What do you mean?"

"Somethings been happening that you haven't been telling me."

"How do you know?" I sniffed, my voice breaking.

"Because I know you." She kissed my forehead. "So what's been going on. If you tell me I can be there for you, but if I don't know anything is happening I can't be there for you baby."

"I've just been so tired recently, I've had no motivation. I keep getting this feeling in my chest where I feel like nothing is ever going to be ok again and it's the worst feeling I've ever felt."

"Why didn't you tell me honey?"

"Because I didn't want to worry you."

"Baby, I just want to be there for you and help you." She took away her hand that I was playing with and put them on the sides of my face.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize baby. I just need you to communicate with me so I can help you." I nodded and she kissed my forehead. I put my arms around her again and buried my face in her shoulder. "Is there anything else you need from me right now?" I shook my head. "Ok baby, we can talk more about this at home then. If you need to talk to me sooner, don't hesitate to come up here, ok?" I nodded after a few seconds. "What is it?"

"Can I stay up here with you?"

"Of course honey. Of course." She rubbed my back and I pulled away.

"I love you Jayje."

"I love you too y/n."