Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Don't Hide From Me

I stood in front of the mirror in our room in my bra and sweatpants, tracing the scars on my stomach from stabs and bullet wounds. I sighed and wiped away a tear as it fell down. The door opened and I jumped, covering my stomach. "Geez, can't you knock?" I asked her.

"What were you doing?" She asked sadly. I didn't remove my arms from my body and she frowned.

"Nothing."

"Honey...don't hide from me, it's ok." She grabbed my hands gently and pulled them off of my stomach.

"I hate them."

"Don't say that." She traced my scars and then put her hand on my waist, caressing my lower stomach. She looked down at them and slowly looked up to meet my eyes. "I love them."

"You're just saying that." I wiped away a tear.

"No honey, I'm not." She continued to caress my lower stomach and my body got hot. I sniffed moved her hands off of my stomach, feeling even more insecure than I had before.

"I want to be alone."

"Honey-"

"Stop." I whimpered as she put her hands on my sides.

"I'm not leaving you like this." She put her arms around my waist. "You're beautiful. Every inch of you." She kissed my forehead and then my nose, my cheeks, my lips, and then everything again until I pulled away. My bottom lip trembled and I looked down at the ground. "Hey." Her voice got quieter and softer. "Can you look at me?" Her hands trailed lightly up my sides and back down again, giving me goosebumps. I walked away from her and sat down against the wall, hugging my knees. She sat down next to me and hugged her knees, resting her cheek on them and looking at me. "I know it's really hard to talk about how you feel when everything you have to say is negative."

"I want to be alone right now."

"You wanna know what I do when I feel insecure?" I shrugged. "I talk to you, and I write down how I feel, and then I come back to it the next day and contradict everything bad I said about myself."

"Ok."

"Do you think any of those things might work for you?" I looked down at my stomach, shutting my eyes and letting a tear trickle down my cheek when I saw the scars and the tummy roll. I shook my head and reached for her hand. She took it and caressed it slowly and gently. "I love you." I rested my head on her shoulder.

We sat there for about 20 minutes in a comfortable silence. "Do you want to move to the bed?" I nodded and I stood up, covering my stomach again. "Come here." She pulled me in for a hug and I sobbed into her shoulder.

"I wish I looked different." I sobbed.

"You're so beautiful honey. Please don't ever think otherwise. There isn't a single thing about you that I would ever change." I held her tighter and sobbed harder.

"You have to say that."

"No I don't. I don't have to say that. I'm saying it because I mean it." I shook my head and she just nodded. "I love you so much. So much honey, words can't even explain it." She picked me up and then fell onto the bed so we could cuddle. "I want you to be ok. I understand if that's not realistic right now, but I know that you will eventually feel better about yourself."

"You know that?"

"Yes. I do know that."

"How?"

"Because I've been there before." She caressed my face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"I don't want you to say it back, I just want you to hear it, ok?"

"Ok...I don't really wanna talk anymore."

"Ok, then get some rest, ok?"

"I don't want to sleep in my bra." I looked up at her and she smiled softly. "Can you look away while I take it off and put on a shirt?" She frowned.

"Is it ok if I take it off for you? I won't look, I promise." She had seen me naked before, and I really appreciated that I was respecting my boundaries when I wasn't feeling it.

"Ok." She kissed my forehead and reached behind me, taking off my bra and then standing up, getting one of her shirts and then helping me put it on. I cuddled up next to her again and she held me protectively. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything." I fiddled with her shirt.

"Of course. Anything you need, I'm here. Just say the word."

"Ok. I love you."

"I love you too my beautiful girl."