Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Piano ⚠️

⚠️ RAPE ⚠️

JJ's head rested on my shoulder as I played Elvis Presley's Can't Help Falling in Love. "For I can't help...falling in love...with...you." I played the last couple of notes and smiled when she lifted her head up to kiss my cheek.

"Can you sing something else?"

"Sure. What song?"

"The one you were writing in your notebook."

"You saw that?"

"Yeah." She whispered, kissing my cheek again.

"I uh...I don't wanna sing that."

"Come on. Please?" I turned to her and saw the look on her face, she really wanted to hear if.

"Ok. Fine." She smiled and I started playing the chords, taking a deep breath.

"The evil it spread, like a fever ahead, it was night, when you died, my firefly." She rested her head back on my shoulder. "What could I have said to raise you from the dead? Oh could I, be the sky on the fourth of July?" She listened to me as I sang the next few lines and then eventually lifted her head up.

"We're all gonna die." I saw her brows furrowed out of the corner of my eye. "Sitting at the bed with a halo at your head, was it all a disguise, like junior high?" It was getting harder to sing as tears threatened to escape my eyes. "Did you get enough love? My little dove? Why do you cry? And I'm sorry I left but it was for the best though it never felt right. My little Versailles." I stopped playing once a tear fell down my cheek.

"Y/n?" I played with my promise ring and wiped a tear off of my face. She didn't see it but she knew I was trying not to cry and that it had something to do with the song. "What was that song about?" I shook my head. "Honey?" I stood up and walked into our bedroom. I sat down on the foot of the bed and wiped the tears off of my face. She followed me in. "What's wrong?"

"I miss her." I whispered.

"Who?" I shook my head. She sat down next to me. "The person you were talking about in the song?"

"Yeah." She put her hand on my knee.

"You can tell me anything."

"You might hate me."

"No. No, I could never hate you."

"I was raped three years ago." I told her.

"I'm-"

"That's not it. I uh...he got me pregnant. I gave birth...I had a daughter. But she was born with a birth defect...and she died when she was four months old."

"I'm so sorry." Was all she could say.

"It's ok."

"It's not. I can't even begin to imagine what I would feel like if a child died. I don't even have kids, but just thinking about it...I can't even comprehend it."

"I miss her so much. It's been two and a half years." It wasn't strange that JJ didn't know about it because I had only met her a year and a half ago, a year after my daughter had died.

"Oh...is that why..."

"That's why I take the week off the second week of May." I whispered.

"What was her name?"

"Hope." I rubbed my hands together.

"That's a very pretty name."

"I know...she was the only hope in my life after what happened to me. That's why I named her what I did." She grabbed my hand. "I was going to kill myself after I was raped. Then I found out I was pregnant and that changed." It gets good to talk to her about this after not saying anything for so long. My breath hitched before I let out a sob. She didn't say anything, just pulled me into a hug and let me cry into her neck. I clutched her shirt and was leaning on her entirely to keep myself from tipping over. It's was like every time I felt like I had to cry but couldn't was just rushing out of my right now and I couldn't breathe because of how hard I was crying.

I stopped crying ten minutes later and then pulled away for her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize honey." She wiped the tears off of my face. "You're ok."

"I kind of dumped everything on you and I-"

"Don't worry about that." She grabbed my hands and kissed both of them. "It's ok, I'm glad you told me. I really am." She cupped my face in her hands and kissed my nose. "What happened to you was terrible, and I don't know how badly it must've been hurting you to keep it all inside. So if you ever wanna talk, talk to me, please. I'm here for you, ok?" I nodded and put my arms around her again.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome sweetheart. I love you so much."

"I love you too."