Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Therapy Session

My therapist had pressured me into having a session with my wife and I couldn't be more nervous about it. JJ and I walked in together and I sat down at the far end of the couch, spreading my legs out across JJ's lap. I grabbed a Rubik's cube and waited for my therapist to say something. "Y/n, why don't you tell JJ how you've been feeling lately?"

"Oh. We're not having a warm up or anything?" I asked uncomfortably. My therapist gave me an expecting look and I looked down at the Rubik's Cube, fiddling with it. "I uh...I've been sad."

"Be more specific." JJ rubbed my leg as my therapist encouraged me.

"I don't know how to describe it." I dropped the Rubik's Cube and put my hands over my face, wiping the sweat off of them.

"Can you try? If you don't communicate with ber and tell her how you're feeling, she won't be able to understand and help."

"I've been feeling really down recently. Like a heavy weight in my chest." I mumbled. JJ rubbed my thigh.

"Is that all you want to tell her?" My therapist asked. I shrugged. "What about your self esteem?"

"Bad. I kinda hate myself." I said with a small laugh while covering my face in my hands. "Sorry I don't know how to say this in a serious voice."

"It's ok." JJ consoled me. I looked at her and a lump formed in my throat. "What?" I blinked back tears and shook my head.

"Nothing."

"It's ok, you can cry." My therapist said.

"I don't want to."

"Ok." I crossed my arms and avoided eye contact with JJ.

"Do you want me to leave?" My therapist asked JJ.

"Yeah." JJ breathed out while patting my knee.

"Ok, knock when you want me to come back." She left me alone with JJ who looked at me with concerned eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just hard telling you this."

"Why?" I sat up and grabbed her hands.

"Because I've usually gone through everything alone."

"Well you don't have to."

"I know." She squeezed my hand.

"How have you been sleeping?"

"Pretty badly." She sighed and kissed my forehead. "I'm always tired." I leaned into her more and curled up into a ball.

"I know this isn't the right time but you're adorable."

"Thanks."

"Why do you hate yourself?" I shrugged and wrapped my arms around her arm, laying the side of my head on her shoulder. "You wanna cuddle don't you?"

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Seriously honey, why do you hate yourself?" She asked softly. I tightened my grip on her arm.

"I just don't like who I am, the way I think. I don't even understand how you love me most of the time. I don't need you to tell me why." I said once she opened her mouth. "It's just something I feel." I shrugged again. "I wanna leave." She knocked on the door and my therapist walked in.

"We're going to have to leave early." JJ said apologetically.

"Do you guys promise to talk about this more at home? A big part in healing is telling the person you trust the most and having someone to lean on."

"I promise." I whispered to her.

"I promise." JJ agreed.

We drove home in silence as I held her hand and looked out the window while biting my thumbnail. "What are you anxious about?" She asked softly. "You only do that when you're anxious."

"Do you look at me differently now that you know that stuff?"

"No honey. I don't." She caressed my hand and brought it up to her lips for a kiss. "I want you to be happy."

"Me too." She let out a soft sigh as she parked the car. We hopped out and I plopped down on the bed once I made it there. She lied down next to me and I hugged her arm again, tangling our legs.

"I've never asked you this...why do you like cuddling so much?" She asked as she played with my hair.

"Because I can be close to you. And it's really comforting." I mumbled against her shoulder. "I feel safe with you."

"I'm glad to hear that." I smiled and hugged her arm even tighter. "Do you want to hug me instead of my arm?" I nodded eagerly and she put her arm around my shoulders as I draped my arm over her waist, pulling her into me. I rested my head on her chest and smiled. "I really love you. I just want you to be happy, so tell me if you need anything, ok? I'm not gonna look at you different so please don't worry about that."

"Ok."

"I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed the top of my head.

"Get some rest, I'll be here when you wake up."