Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Mirror Touch Synesthesia ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

"He sent us torture videos." Garcia said, walking into the conference room and wincing. "I was going to isolate the sound but I don't want to watch it." Morgan, JJ, and Spencer nodded. Garcia came and sat down next to me.

"Join the club." I whispered to her, leaning back into my chair and sighing.

"I'm sensing some negative vibes over here. What's going on my perfect little daisy?"

"I can't watch the videos."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No. I mean. I don't really want to watch them but when I don't even have a choice it's annoying."

"Why don't you have a choice?"

"Because I have Mirror Touch Synesthesia."

"What is that?" Garcia asked, wrinkling her nose a little bit.

"When I see people get touched, most of the time I feel what they feel. So if I saw you and Morgan hug, I would feel the hug most of the time."

"So, if you watch the videos, you would probably feel it too." I nodded and played with my fingers.

"That sounds awful."

"Yeah, but I want to be able to help." Just as I was about to cry JJ came into the room. I gave her a fake smile.

"We know where he is." I shot up and ran outside to the car with her. I strapped on my bulletproof vest as she turned on the sirens and started driving. "You have to stay in here."

"What? No, I'm going in."

"If she's actively being tortured that's not going to end well."

"I'm not going to get hurt!" I protested.

"But you're going to feel it!"

"Ok? I know it's not real."

"That's not what you're going to be thinking in the moment. You're not going in."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"I did last night." I opened my mouth to come up with a response but came up empty and blushed. "That's what I thought."

When the car came to a stop I jumped out and ran next to Morgan. JJ had no time to stop me and before she could even say anything we were walking into the house. As Morgan slowly walked down the stairs to the basement I heard a chainsaw starting. "Kane Anderson, put your hands up!" Morgan said. I looked over and saw the chainsaw a foot away from the victims throat. Kane laughed and moved the chainsaw closer to her Derek shot him in the head.

"HOLY FUCK!" I exclaimed, falling backwards and clutching my head. JJ rushed over to me as I breathed heavily. "Jesus fucking Christ what the hell holy fuck shit, fucking shit that shit hurt like hell." I rambled while holding my head.

"What did I say?" JJ asked, turning me around so I couldn't see him anymore.

"Don't do that right now." She grabbed me from under my shoulders and helped me stand up, taking me up the stairs.

"I told you to not go in there!" She scolded, pushing me into the car and slamming the door. Oh. She was really mad.

"I want to help her JJ!" I said, trying to open the door only to find that she had put the child lock on. I didn't even know that there was a child lock. This was a government car. I gave her the side eye and sighed once she opened her mouth, leaning my chair back.

"Look at me!" She yelled. I winced as the sound echoed throughout the car. I leaned my chair back up and looked at her, scared. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." I gave her a slight nod and she sighed. "Honey...it's just. It's not safe, I know you're not getting hurt but you still feel like you're getting shot in the head, and it messes with all of your senses, you literally fell over."

"Can we talk about this at home?" I took a deep breath and looked out the windshield.

"Yeah. Ok. We'll talk about it at home."

Once we got home we both sat down on the foot of the bed. "Honey, I need you to understand that it's not healthy to put yourself in situations where you can feel extreme pain."

"Why am I on the job then?" I asked her, on the verge of tears. "If you won't let me do anything?" She opened her mouth but shut it. I walked to my nightstand and grabbed a paper clip. It was sharp enough. "Do you see this?" I put it up to my wrist and pressed down.

"Y/n." She warned.

"Do you feel it?" I winced as I dragged it across my wrist, blood dripping down my arm now. She rushed over to me and pulled it out of my hand.

"Don't do that!" She rushed to the bathroom and grabbed toilet paper to press it down on my wrist to stop the bleeding.

"Do you feel it?" I asked again, taking another swipe at my wrist.

"Y/n stop!" She asked as I cut for the fifth time. "Stop!" She smacked the paper clip out of my hand and held my wrist in her hands. "I don't feel it, but why would-"

"I feel it, and I can handle it." The blood was damping the paper towel quickly and she had to get more. "I decide what I can handle."

"But don't cut yourself!" She protested.

"I won't die."

"Not from that but if you go deeper you will!"

"But I won't die from this." I pointed out. "I'll be fine. This is real, and I won't die from this. Whatever I felt before wasn't real, so I sure as hell can't die from that." She nodded slightly with tears in her eyes, still holding my wrist.

She led me into the bathroom and got our first aid kit. "Why would you do that?" I shrugged and a tear fell down her cheek. When I didn't answer she held my face in her hands. "Honey, why would you hurt yourself?"

"Just...I don't know Jayje. Just to prove a point, I don't know I'm sorry."

"Was that the first time you've done it?" I gave her a hesitant nod. "Y/n."

"Fine. No. It wasn't."

"Honey." She threw her arms around me and kissed every part of me she could reach without letting go. "Why?"

"I wanted to see if it felt different."

"What do you mean?" She hesitantly pulled away and kissed my forehead.

"I wanted to see if it felt different than seeing other peoples pain." She rested her forehead against mine. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Don't apologize." She kissed my cheek and then my neck before kissing my bandage and the skin around it. "Don't do it again, ok?" I gave her a weak smile and she sighed. "I love you baby."

"I love you too."