Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Just A Relapse ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

When I got home from the store I put the groceries away and walked into JJ and I's bedroom with a sigh. She was watching Legally Blonde while eating ice cream. "Can I have some?" I asked. She nodded and handed me the spoon. My sleeves slipped down a little bit and she swallowed the ice cream before talking.

"Those look new." She said.

"Oh." I handed her the ice cream and she put it on the nightstand, pausing the movie.

"Wanna talk about it?" I shook my head and cuddled into her. She sighed and I rested my head on her shoulder, hugging her arm. "I think you should."

"It's late."

"It's a Friday night." I sighed. "I'm not going to force you to talk...but you haven't talked about it in a while."

"It was just a relapse. It's fine."

"Just a relapse?" I shrugged. "Honey, relapses are a big deal."

"I'm fine." I said, sitting up. She sat up on her elbows and I smiled a bit at her messed up hair.

"Don't laugh at me." She said with a smile. I looked all over her face, taking in her beauty. I didn't even realize my smile had been replaced with a frown and I had dropped my gaze. "Baby?"

"I'm fine." I sniffed and tried to fight back tears. She sat up completely and tucked my hair behind my ear. I looked back up at her with watery eyes.

"You're not fine." I shrugged and leaned forward, resting my forehead against hers. "It's ok to cry."

"I know." I sniffed and put my hands in her lap while she cupped my face in her hands. "I just don't want to." She nodded and kissed my forehead. I wrapped my arms around her and she hugged me.

"It's ok." She whispered. I let out another much needed sigh that relieved some pressure in my chest, it's weird how that happens. "I'm right here honey." I nodded.

"Thank you."

"Of course." She kissed my cheek and I pulled away.

"I just haven't been feeling that great lately."

"Big black hole again?" I laughed softly and nodded. She understood. She always did. That's one of the reasons as to why I fell in love with her. "You still with me?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "They're not infected. Trust me."

"I trust you." She nodded.

"I know I should be doing other things to help myself but...it's the one thing that I know for sure works. Well, one of two." She smiled.

"What's the other thing?"

"Hugs." Her smile widened. "But I um...I don't really know what else to say. I know that there are things that I want to say but I don't know how to put them into words."

"Would asking you some questions help?"

"Probably."

"When was the last time you hurt yourself?"

"Yesterday night."

"What were you feeling when you did it?"

"I was crying. So...sad?" It came out as more of a question.

"Do you know why you felt sad?"

"I was just stressed and you were at work and I wanted to talk...but I couldn't. I wanted to talk to you." I specified. "The last case was bad. Really bad. You had to finish up the paperwork and I didn't want to slow down the process for you so I didn't call and when you got home you were really tired." I sighed. "I know talking about it could've helped but it was impulsive." She nodded.

"I get that. Sometimes feelings can't wait." I nodded and let out a relieved sigh. "Don't feel bad about it, ok?"

"Thank you."

"Of course. How did you feel after you did it?"

"Pretty bad. I didn't want to do it again since I hadn't in a few weeks...so I was pretty mad at myself." She frowned. "Not right now though...I'm able to think through it now." She smiled widely.

"That's good. That's really good honey."

"I know. I used to just feel bad about it for days on end but I'm actually able to comfort myself now and tell myself that it's ok."

"I'm really proud of you."

"Thank you." I fiddled with my fingers. "I'm really glad I'm able to talk to you about it."

"I'm always here."

"You never make me feel bad about it." I told her. "You're the only person who knows and...everyone I've told about something bad that I was going through they always shamed me for it. Nobody was ever there for me. It's really relieving for someone to be here for me is what I'm trying to say."

"I'm always here." She repeated.

"Thank you." I put my arms around her again and straddled her thighs. She lied down on the bed and I smiled as she put the covers up over me before holding me.

"Do you wanna talk about it anymore?" She asked in a soft voice.

"No." She rubbed my back and I nuzzled my face into her neck. "I love you...thank you for letting me talk to you."

"Anytime my love. I love you too."