Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Wanna Go Home? ⚠️

⚠️ SEXUAL ASSAULT AND PANIC ATTACK ⚠️

I played with my fingers at the dinner table. The whole team was out at some fancy restaurant I had never been to. I was really excited about going at first, but the case hit really close to home and all I wanted to do was sleep and get it off of my mind. I was brought back to reality when everyone laughed at a joke Rossi must've made. I smiled along, acting like I heard it. JJ's hand reached for mine on the table and I relaxed a bit, she always knew when I was feeling a bit stressed. Her thumb brushed across my skin softly, I gave her a warm but sad smile and then looked back down at my food. "Are you ok?" She whispered. "You've been quiet all evening, do you wanna go home?" I nodded and she kissed my temple.

She waited a few minutes before saying anything. "I think y/n and I are going to take off. We're a bit tired."

"Aww, we're gonna miss you guys!" JJ put down a $50 bill on the table and smiled, squeezing my hand and then putting her arm around me as we walked out.

I chewed on my lip the whole way home and she didn't press, knowing I needed to be somewhere I felt comfortable in order to talk about it.

Once we walked through the front door I sighed and laced my hands behind my head. "What's up?" She asked, a few feet away from me.

"It's just the case." I dropped my hands down.

"What about the case?" I turned to look at her with a frown and tears in my eyes. "Oh." About a year ago I had been sexually assaulted behind a bar and if it wasn't for JJ I would've been raped. I was pushed up against the wall and couldn't breathe, I was completely naked and he was groping my breasts while pressing himself against me. The victims in the case were also sexually assaulted by our unsub, something we didn't see that often but it made me think about what happened to me. "Do you wanna go up to bed?"

"Sure." I nodded hesitantly and started walking up the stairs. I sat down on the foot of the bed and took a deep breath.

"Babe? Y/n?" I turned towards her, a tear trickling down my cheek. "Hey, hey, don't cry." She sat down next to me and wiped the tears off of my face gently. "It's ok honey, it's ok my love, don't cry, I'm right here." She pulled away once I started to breathe heavily.

"Why did...why did I do it?"

"Why did you do what?"

"Why did he do it? I...why would...why would someone do that to someone?"

"What are you talking about baby?"

"Why would he touch me like that?" I put my hand over my chest. "J...JJ."

"Hey, it's ok baby. It's ok." She whispered.

"I...can't breathe...JJ help me, please."

"Honey can you look at me?" I nodded and turned to look at her. "It's ok. It's ok, I promise you you're safe here. You're with me, I'm. not going to hurt you. Baby, I promise you're safe with me." She held her palm out in front of her, letting me be the one to initiate the touch. I hesitantly touched her palm with my index finger, tracing the lines, my hands trembling.

"Jayje I...just hold me." I whined, putting my arms around her, trying to steady my breathing. She put her hand on the back of my head and back and rubbed my back.

"Shh, baby, it's ok. My love you're safe here. I love you. I love you so fucking much, you hear me?" I nodded and squeezed her tighter. "You're not there anymore baby, you're here with me. It's just me my love." I relaxed and took in a few shaky breaths and then pulled away.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No baby, don't apologize." She put her hand on my knee. "You're ok. I promise." I nodded again and rubbed my face tiredly.

"I know this might seem selfish...but why did it have to happen to me? Why couldn't it have happened to someone else?"

"That's not selfish."

"I was so scared." I whispered. "I remember the only thing that was getting me through it was the thought of being able to see you. Knowing that you would be there for me. You have no idea how relieved I was that you found me, and that it was you. I wouldn't want anyone else seeing me like that." I told her. "I love you so much and you shouldn't have to be here for me all the time."

"Hey. I like being here for you. I hope there's never a day when I'm not here for you. Whenever I find out that you've been hiding your feelings from me because you don't want to annoy me, you have no idea how much that hurts. I know you trust me but baby I just want you to be happy." She held my hand in hers and caressed it. "I love you so much and I want you to know you can talk to me about anything."

"Thank you." She nodded.

"No problem baby." She wrapped me in for another hug. "I'm right here, it's just us, ok?" I nodded.

"Ok."