Jennifer Jareau Imagines

I Don't Know Why⚠️

⚠️ PANIC ATTACK ⚠️

I hummed quietly to myself as I listened to music. I filled out some paperwork and flinched as JJ put her hand on my shoulder. I took my earbuds out and offered her a shy smile. "You up to grab some lunch?" She whispered, putting her arms around my neck and resting her chin on my shoulder. I relaxed into her embrace but couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

"Sorry Jayje, not today."

"You have a lot of work to do?" She asked, pulling up a chair next to me. I shrugged and grabbed my pen, clicking it while my leg bounced. She put her hand on my knee. "Relax honey." I tried to get my knee to stop bouncing but it wouldn't. "I was thinking we could catch a movie tomorrow, what do you think?" She asked, pulling my work away from me and changing the subject to try to wash my anxiety. This didn't happen often but she knew the signs.

"Sure."

"What do you want to see?"

"I don't know." I breathed out heavily, looking around.

"Focus on me honey." She touched my face lightly and I flinched. "I'm sorry, is it ok if I touch you?" I nodded and she grabbed my face gently, making me look at her. "What movie do you want to see?"

"Barbie." I mumbled. "Jayje everyone's staring at me." I said, looking over at Morgan and Emily who were giving me a concerned look. She gave them a glare and they stopped staring. I reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. "It feels like my chest is contracting." I breathed out.

"It's gonna be ok." She whispered, kissing my forehead.

"I don't know why it's happening."

"That's ok, you don't have to."

"I wanna know why. This doesn't just happen o of nowhere." I struggled to say it audibly as my breathing got rapid and shallow.

"Y/n, you're gonna be ok. Breathe with me, ok? In...out, in...out, in...out." She repeated that for a few minutes until I calmed down. I looked around at everyone and saw that they were still staring at me. I got up and walked quickly to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me only to be opened a second later by JJ. "What's wrong?"

"They all saw it."

"That's ok, honey they're not going to judge you."

"I don't want anyone to see me like that. Especially when it's for no reason."

"Baby, you didn't have this bad of a reaction when I saw you the first time."

"Because you're you and they...I don't know they were just staring and you were trying to help me." I whispered, wiping a tear away.

"Shh it's ok honey, come here." She wrapped me into her arms and rocked us back and forth. "You're ok. They're not judging you. You're ok." She whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Shh, it's ok. It's ok. I'm right here. I love you, I love you so much baby. So much." She squeezed me tighter.

"Thank you." I mumbled. "I love you too."

"I'm always going to help you though this you know. Anytime this happens, even if I'm not there, just call me. Ok?" I nodded and she kissed my cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you too."