Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Go Away ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

"I'm just happy to be going home." JJ said tiredly to Rossi, responding to something he had said. I hummed and looked over at her with a shy smile before staring back down at the table.

"What's on your mind y/n?" Rossi asked from across the table.

"Nothing." I told him, giving him an assuring smile.

"You seem distracted."

"I'm fine. I promise." He nodded and I pulled my knees up to my chest. JJ grabbed my hand under the table and squeezed it. I tried to hold myself together until we got home.

Once we got back I walked into the bathroom in our master bedroom and leaned against the sink. It was taking every ounce of my willpower not to reach across the counter and grab the razor. I liked to think that I had grown from that coping mechanism, but I hadn't really. I had just gotten better at not doing it but I still got ashamed whenever I looked at my scars. I bit my lip and held back tears as my hands started to shake. I wasn't panicking but I was starting to cry a bit which caused my hands to shake. JJ knocked on the door and leaned against it. "Are you ok honey?"

"Go away."

"Why? What's wrong?" I didn't answer, just walked away from the counter and slid down the wall so I couldn't see the razor anymore. I pulled my sleeve up and traced my old scars. "Can I come in?"

"No. Go away." I repeated, not wanting her to see me like this. She knew about my struggles with self harm but I didn't want her seeing me trying my best not to do it.

"I'm going to come in, I don't think you should be alone right now." She turned the key in the door and knelt down in front of me. "Hey." She said softly, putting her hand on my knee.

"I told you to go away." I pushed her hand off my knee and looked away from her. She grabbed my ankles and pulled my legs down so she was sitting between my legs.

"Come on honey. Tell me what's going on."

"Nothings going on." She patted my thighs and pulled me closer to her.

"Then why are you locking yourself in the bathroom?"

"I didn't do anything." I whispered.

"Ok." She nodded.

"You believed it, just like that?"

"Are you lying?" I shook my head. "I trust you. And I trust your judgment, but I know that you don't like to talk about how you're feeling, and it's not healthy to not talk about it."

"You're not my therapist."

"I know. But I'm your wife. You can tell me anything, and your therapist wants you to talk to me." I lifted my head up slowly to make eye contact with her. She saw the look on my face and frowned. "You can talk to me. If you want me to just listen, I can do that. If you want to respond, give you advice, if you just want a hug or if you want me to sit here with you. I'll do anything."

"It's hard." I mumbled.

"What?" I rolled my sleeve up a bit so she could see my scars and she sighed, knowing what I was talking about. "What do you do when you feel like this?"

"I usually hurt myself."

"But what do you do now?"

"Hug you." I mumbled.

"Do you want to hug me now?" I nodded and quickly put my arms around her neck, pulling myself close to her. "Baby, you're ok. You're ok." She told me when she noticed how desperately I needed to be comforted.

"Can we get out of the bathroom?" She didn't need to be asked twice, picking me up and sitting us both on the bed.

"Is this better?"

"Yeah." I mumbled against her shoulder.

We stayed like that for about 15 minutes until she tried to pull away. "No! Don't go Jayje." I protested, holding her even tighter to keep her in place.

"Ok, ok. I won't." She put her hand on the back of my head and played with my hair while she kept her other hand on my back.

"Can we just stay like this? It's helping." I whispered, relaxing into her arms again. She nodded and grabbed my waist, pulling me onto her lap so I was straddling her and then put her arms around me again.

"I love you so much baby. You're so strong." She kissed my cheek a couple times and squeezed me tightly. "You're going to get past this, ok? This won't always be how you feel and you will find better ways to cope." She kissed my cheek again. "I love you y/n, don't forget that." I nodded and nuzzled my nose into the crook of her neck.

"I love you too Jayje."