Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Want or Need? ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

I raised my brows as JJ walked into the room. She had a bag of Cheetos and some water. "Want any?" She asked, handing me the bag. I shook my head and cuddled up to her once she sat down, desperately in need of comfort. "You're in one of those moods aren't you?" She asked, putting her arm around me. I nodded. She put the Cheetos and the water on her nightstand. "Come here." She put her arm over my waist and pulled me onto her so I was straddling her. "There. Better hugs now." She grabbed her Cheetos and I put my arms around her neck. I buried my face in her neck and shut my eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

Ten minutes passed and she finished her Cheetos. "Are you asleep?" She whispered. I shook my head. "Is it ok if I get up?"

"No." I mumbled.

"I need to get my phone." I shook my head.

"Are these want cuddles, or need cuddles?"

"Need cuddles." My voice sounded sad and she immediately put her arms around me and rested her chin on my shoulder, kissing my cheek.

"Ok, we don't have to move then." She scratched my back softly and soothingly. "Do you want to talk?"

"No."

"Ok. We can just stay like this then, as long as you need." She whispered soft 'I love you's' in my ear and rubbed my back while kissing my cheek and temple.

"Hey, you haven't eaten all day honey, can we get up and get you something to eat?"

"Can we please stay like this?"

"What do you need me so badly for?" I didn't answer and just squeezed my eyes shut, hoping tears didn't come out. "Baby you're scaring me."

"It's not a big deal." She kissed my temple and stroked my hair.

"It is to me. I wanna know what's going in there." She said, caressing my temple before kissing it.

"I did something bad." I whispered.

"Ok baby, what did you do?" I pulled away from her slowly and tugged at my sleeves. She put her hand on the side of my face and caressed it. "You can tell me anything honey."

"But I feel like you're going to be mad." I looked over her shoulder and blinked tears out of my eyes.

"Did you do it to someone else or to yourself?"

"Myself." I said in a low whisper.

"What did you do honey?" I could tell she was starting to suspect it but wanted to hear it from me first. She looked down at my hands that were tugging at my sleeves and frowned. "Can you roll those up for me baby?" I hesitated but gently rolled them up, revealing a few cuts. She lightly ran her thumb over them. "Does that hurt?"

"A little bit." She frowned again.

"Baby...why would you do this to yourself?" She brought my hands to her mouth and kissed them. "I know that's a hard question-"

"It was the first time I did it." I assured her.

"Do you know what caused you to do it?" She tore her eyes away from my cuts and back to my face.

"I don't know how to explain it...but I just wasn't feeling good, I wanted to cry but I couldn't and I wanted to scream and I just saw the scissors and I did it." She nodded and kissed my forehead.

Ten days later I was sitting on the couch, waiting for JJ to come home. "Hey." She said tiredly as she walked in the door. I walked up and hugged her tightly, smiling into her neck. "I love you too." I jumped up and wrapped my legs around her waist, kissing all over her face. She laughed and rubbed my back. "I missed you."

"I missed you more."

"How are you doing?" She asked, looking into my eyes lovingly.

"I'm doing good." I said truthfully.

"That's good." She lied down on the bed with me on top of her. "I would shower but...this is better and I'm too tired to get up."

"Sounds good to me." I kissed her neck a few times before closing my eyes. It was 10:30 already and all I wanted was to be around her and sleep. She kissed the top of my head and I put my arms under her shirt so I could caress her skin.

"Goodnight baby."

"Goodnight."