Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Infected ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

I played with the collars of my sleeves, trying to rub my wrists through the fabric, I think one of them was infected because my left wrist was sore. "Are you hurt?" Spence whispered from beside me.

"I don't know."

"Can I see it, I might be able to help." I saw JJ looking at us from across the table, confused as to what was going on.

"I got it handled."

"Y/n are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"You're showing signs of-"

"I'm ok." He nodded and looked towards JJ. She looked at me and pointed behind her, gesturing to leave the room. I stood up and walked out of the room, her following me. "Hi." I said.

"Hi. I...what were you and Spence talking about?"

"Nothing." I rubbed my wrist again. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"It's an anxiety thing."

"I've never seen you do that before."

"Just because you've never seen me do it, that doesn't mean I don't do it."

"Why are you being a defensive?" I shrugged and looked away from her, clenching my jaw as I tried to fight back tears.

"It hurts."

"Why was that so hard to say?" I shrugged and kept looking away from her. "Can you look at me?" I looked at her. "Can you show me?"

"Why?"

"Because you said it hurts and maybe I can help."

"Don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad at you?" I rolled up my sleeve and showed her the infected cut. "Where did you get those?"

"Me."

"Babe...what? You did this to yourself."

"Don't say it so loud."

"Why would you do that?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. I uh...I need to squeeze the blood out, it's going to hurt a lot. We'll talk about it after."

I winced as she squeezed the blood out of my cut, it was dark and painful but I knew it was gonna make it not hurt as much so I was powering through. "Fuck!" I yelled as her finger grazed over my cut.

"I think I got it all." She grabbed a paper towel and cleaned it up.

"Are you mad?" I asked in a small voice.

"No honey, I'm not mad." She reached out to touch my face and caressed it. "I'm just really...I don't know, a bit sad I guess." I nodded and reached out to hold her hand.

"I'm sorry."

"Honey, don't apologize, ok? This is unhealthy but we'll find healthier ways to cope with your feelings." I nodded. "Now...can we talk about why you did it?" I looked down with a frown on my face.

"I just don't...I'm not happy. At all. I'm the opposite of happy." I looked back up at her with tears in my eyes. "And I feel like that's my fault, so I hate myself for it." She squeezed my hand and put her other hand on the side of my face. "I just don't know what to do to feel like myself again." A tear rolled down my cheek and I hugged her.

"I got you." She held my head against her chest and rubbed my back. "It's ok. It's ok to feel like this."

"I don't want to."

"No one wants to sweetheart, but the important thing is to remember that you'll always get through it, yeah? You're strong, resilient and the most stubborn person I know...in a good way." I laughed through my tears. "You can get through this. And do you want to hear the best part of my speech?"

"Yeah." My voice broke.

"You don't have to go through this alone. I'm right here. Always. No matter what we're doing, if you need to call me, hug me, talk to me, sit in silence, anything, honey I promise, anything you need, I am right here." I hugged her tighter. "I'm right here." She repeated.

For the first time in a long time I didn't feel
completely alone.