Jennifer Jareau Imagines

It's Never Forever ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL IDEATION ⚠️

I was wearing tank tops around the house now. JJ knew about my self harm and I had gotten comfortable with it around her. She had just gotten back from lunch with Spencer and she wrapped my in for a big hug when she saw me. When I pulled away she grabbed my hands and inspected my arms. "Are these new?" She asked, pointing to fresh bandages further up my arms. I nodded and avoided eye contact. "Honey...we talked about this." She kissed my hands. "There are other coping mechanisms, and I and your therapist are always one phone call away."

"I'm sorry." I wiped a tear from my face and she reached to hold my face in her hands, making me look at her.

"What's wrong?" She caressed my cheeks. "Babe?"

"Nothing." I shook my head and took her hands off of my cheeks.

"You sure?" My lip trembled and I held back tears. "Hey, honey talk to me." She tried to pull me in for a hug but I shook my head again. "Y/n...baby what's wrong?" She put her hand on my shoulder, wanting to comfort me but being aware I wasn't open to a lot of physical touch right now. "Do you want me to stay with you or do you want to be by yourself?"

"Can you stay?" She nodded and I started sobbing.

"I'm scared." I sobbed out.

"Scared of what?"

"What if I always feel like this?"

"You won't. You won't baby." She reached up to touch my face. "It's not always going to be like this."

"Do you know how many times I wake up and wish I hadn't?" She shook her head. "It's every single day."

"Baby-"

"I'm so tired of it and I don't know what to do. I can never seem to do anything right-" I was cut off by her pulling me in for a hug and my face hitting her chest.

"I know it's not right now. But it'll end up alright. I promise." She picked me up and I wrapped my legs around her waist. She kissed my neck lovingly up to my jawline. "My beautiful girl...it hurts me to see you like this." She whispered against my neck. She walked us into the bedroom and lied down on the bed, tracing the curves of my face as I stared into her eyes, watching her admire me. She kissed me nose and then my forehead. "I know I keep saying this and it might not seem very effective, but it'll be ok."

"I-"

"It'll be ok. Remember last time you felt like this? It passed."

"But it came back."

"But it passed. It might come and go. But it's never forever. Nothing is. Think about it like this, your happiness never lasts forever right?" I nodded. "Then this won't last forever either, I know it's a lot worse than being happy, but it'll be ok."

"Ok."

"Ok?" I nodded and she kissed my forehead again. "I really want to hold you right now, is that ok?" I nodded. "Good." She wrapped her arms around me again and held me close to her. "I love you."

"I love you too."