Jennifer Jareau Imagines

You Don't Know ⚠️

⚠️ RAPE ⚠️

I listened as Callie yelled about being brought in for questioning on her rapist. JJ and I sneaked glances at each other since we were doing the questioning together. "Did you guys just bring me in for questioning to force me to relive it? What kind of organization is this?"

"Callie, I know how hard this is-" I started.

"No you don't!" She exclaimed. "You don't know! Everyday I have to live with myself, for letting that happen to me. Everyday when I look in the mirror I'm reminded of every place he touched me and exactly how I felt when he touched me." I kept eye contact with her the whole time. "Don't tell me you know how it feels to be completely helpless when you don't."

"I know." I told her, she just scoffed. "I know how it feels, Callie."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. I know the hopeless feeling of having him tower over you while you're thinking to yourself, this isn't fair. This isn't fair. Why is this happening to me, I don't deserve this. I know how it feels to be completely filled with fear, so much so to the point that you're paralyzed. I know that feeling Callie. I know how it feels while he's raping you, I know how it feels after. I understand how you feel looking in the mirror and I sure as hell understand the feeling that no one will ever truly understand what you've gone through, maybe because it's just not possible or maybe because you hope that it's not possible for someone to feel the way you're feeling. I know that feeling Callie." She had a tear trickling down her cheek. "Now...what was his name?"

"I don't know."

"What color was his hair? What color were his eyes? Anything helps." I did feel bad asking her these questions, being asked to relive the worst moment of your life wasn't something anyone wanted to do.

"His hair was blonde and his eyes were green."

"Any identifying marks?"

"He uh...had a 666 tattoo on his upper right thigh. That's it."

"Thank you Callie." JJ said as we both walked out of the room. I handed Hotch my notes and leaned against the wall, rubbing my face.

"Honey-"

"Don't. Please." My voice was weak as JJ put her hand on the small of my back. She didn't know until now. This isn't how I wanted her to find out but we weren't going to get anything out of Callie if she didn't know that someone understood. She nodded and hugged me, I hugged her back and squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

She didn't let go until I did which was around 10 minutes. I didn't care that we were in the middle of a public hallway and there were people staring probably thinking what the hell is going on. "You ok?" She looked down at me since I was a few inches shorter than her and I just chewed on the inside of my cheek. "Sorry that was a stupid question."

"It's ok. I don't know what you're supposed to ask in this situation either." I smiled but she frowned.

"Do you need anything?"

"What?"

"Do you need anything? A coffee? Another hug? A break?" My mouth dropped open. I had run through the possibilities in my mind as to how she would react but I never expected her to be this caring. Yes, she was the most loving and caring person I knew but she was taking into consideration what I needed, not what she thought I needed.

"I...I um yeah. I think I need to take a break." I nodded and she led me to a small empty room.

"Tell me if you need anything."

"Stay." I blurted. "Please." She nodded and closed the door behind her. I felt a single tear trickle down my face and I quickly wiped it away. "I didn't want you to find out that way."

"How long ago was it?"

"Five months." She let out a long exhale that wasn't quite a sigh. "I know we were together. We've been together three years I should've told you-"

"Don't do that to yourself. Yes, it would've been ideal if you were able to tell me but no. There's no should've told me, ok?" I nodded and leaned against the wall. She walked over to me and opened her arms. I leaned into her and she put her arms around me. It took a second for me to put my arms around her but I did eventually, letting my whole body relax into her embrace.

My body shook with a sob and she held me tighter. "Shh, it's ok. I got you." I nodded and held her tighter.

"I wanted to ask for help...I w-wanted to ask you." I said between sobs. "But I-I didn't want...didn't want you to think I always needed help." She shook her head and stroked my hair.

"Shh, it's ok honey. I'm here now. I'm going to support you in any way I can." I nodded and pulled away reluctantly needing to see her face so I knew she meant it. When I saw the loving look in her eyes I knew she did.

"Thank you." She cupped my face in my hands and kissed my forehead before wrapping her arms around me again. "Thank you." I said again.

"Of course baby." She rubbed my back. "I'm always here for you, ok?" I nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too."