Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Mission ⚠️

⚠️ RAPE AND PANIC ATTACK AND SUICIDAL IDEATION ⚠️

JJ: Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up from the airport?

Y/n: Yeah, I don't want you to ruin your sleep

JJ: Ok, I love you

Y/n: I love you too

My plane had just landed and it was the first time I was seeing JJ in 4 months. I had been away on a mission where I had been personally requested but I was glad to be getting back to the BAU.

But the past four months have been bad. I haven't had any energy to do anything and my self esteem had dropped really low. My appetite was almost gone and I just really missed JJ.

I walked up to our front door slowly and opened it. I dropped my bags and turned around when I heard JJ running down the stairs. My heart swelled and tears came to my eyes. I threw my arms around her as soon as she was within reach and held her as if it were the last thing I would do. "Welcome back baby." She whispered against my neck before kissing it softly.

"I thought you were going to be in bed."

"I wouldn't miss you coming home." I smiled to myself and shut my eyes tightly, trying to hold back tears.

"Can we go to bed?" She nodded and tried to pull away but I just jumped up and wrapped my legs around her waist. She carried us to bed and we got dressed. I got into bed next to her and cuddled as close as possible to her.

"Are you ok?" She whispered, kissing my forehead.

"Mhm."

"Do you want to talk about the mission?"

"I can't." I mumbled, reaching for her hand before tangling our legs together.

"Ok, wanna just sleep then?" I nodded and held her hand tightly before falling asleep.

I had been home for four days now and JJ and I were just getting home from work at around 7. I sighed as we walked in the door and she put her hand on the small of my back. "Are you ok?" She whispered. I looked down at the ground and bit my lip, trying to hold back tears. "Come on, let's go to the bedroom." She guided us into the bedroom and we sat down on the foot of the bed. She reached for my hand and kissed it. "So...do you want to tell me what's been going on? I've noticed you've acted different since you've gotten back."

"I don't know what happened." I admitted, letting out a deep breath.

"You can relax, it's just me." She put her arm around me and I looked down at the ground.

"It's just what I saw there...what I heard. If really...gets in my head." She nodded, realizing that I didn't want to explain anymore.

"I know you can't tell me about the mission, but can you tell me about what affected you?"

"Um...I can tell you a little bit. But don't tell anyone."

"Of course."

"In order to um...rule out suspects, I had to put myself in positions where I could be victimized by them." She nodded, willing me to go on. I bit the inside of my cheek and looked up at the ceiling, my eyes glossing with tears. "And there were a lot of people who were rapists. So...I had to be raped a couple of times to figure out if they had the right signature." I whispered.

"Y/n-"

"And they would tell me horrible things. Like I was worthless...ugly...a slut, that no one would ever love me. They would tell me I deserved what they were doing to me. It was everything I heard because I was around them all the time."