Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Feelings Are Dumb (Agere)

My lips were pulled down in a tight frown as I walked into JJ and I's house after the last case. It had brought back some memories I had tried so hard to forget about and I just wanted nothing more than to be carefree and not remember anything. That would be so much better than how I felt right now. I jumped when I felt JJ's hand on my back. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"It's alright." She said softly, rubbing my back. "Are you feeling ok? I know that case was a bit hard." She scanned my face for any sort of reaction. My lip pouted out a bit. "Wanna talk about it?" I shook my head.

"I don't want to think about it, it's too much."I rubbed my eyes and whined.

"It's ok." She told me. "It's ok." She repeated in a softer voice. I shut my eyes tightly and took a deep breath as I let my body relax. "Hey, how are you?" She asked with a smile.

I nodded and returned her smile and gave her puppy eyes. "I want cuddles." I made grabby hands at her and she smiled. She picked me up and carried me to the bed.

"You want cuddles?" She repeated. I nodded again, still smiling, excited. "Bubs?" She asked me as I started moving around on top of her.

"What?" I said in a bratty voice.

"Hey."

"Sorry."

"Say it like you mean it."

"I'm sorry mommy."

"It's ok." She whispered.

"Kisses?" I asked, looking up and pointing at my forehead. She smiled and kissed my forehead a few times before I set my head back down. "Thank you."

"Of course baby." She stroked my hair. "Get comfortable ok? But I'm going to run you a bath later, is that ok?" I nodded eagerly. "Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"Juice."

"Ok, I'll go get that for you."

"Don't go." I made grabby hands at her as she got up. "I love you. Stay. Stay please."

"But I'm getting your juice baby." I frowned, not knowing what to say to that. "Do you want me to stay? No juice, just cuddles."

"Stay please." I repeated.

"Ok, ok, I'm staying baby."

"I need cuddles." I said in a soft voice.

"I know baby, I know, it's ok." She stroked my hair. When I stayed silent she stopped her motions. "Baby, talk to me, what's wrong?"

"Feelings are dumb."

"What do you mean, why are they dumb?"

"I felt ok. Then I didn't. A lot's happening."

"Like what?"

"I feel sad...I think. A little scared."

"Scared of what?" I shrugged.

"Come on baby, you can be honest with me, I'm here for you."

"I don't know. I can't remember."

"It's ok." I felt myself shift uncomfortably. "Baby?" My head felt a little more heavy and I felt tears come to my eyes.

"Jayje?" I let out a whine. I sat up and put my head in my hands.

"Honey? You ok?"

"I don't know." She nodded.

"That's ok. We can just sit here if you want."

"I hate cases like that."

"It's ok if you need to go back, you know?"

"I can't control it Jayje." She kissed my cheek. "Remembering it is so tiring, because I can go so long without it bothering me...and then this happens."

"Yeah." She reached for my hand and kissed it. "Do you need anything though? Anything to make you feel better?"

"I don't know Jayje." I said, my voice breaking a little bit.

"Ok, that's ok." She kissed my temple. "Tell me if you need anything though, I'm here for you." I nodded. "I'm here for you." She repeated, like she wanted to drill it into my head.

"Thank you."

"Anytime." She put her arm over my shoulders and brought me closer to her. "I love you."

"I love you too."