Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Don't Feel Pressured ⚠️

⚠️ RAPE ⚠️

It was him. On the dance floor. It was him. I froze where I was and just stared straight ahead. I had to get out of here. I turned around and walked back to JJ who was talking with Derek at the bar. "JJ can we leave?"

"In a minute honey I'm talking to Morgan."

"Please."

"Honey I'm in the middle of a conversation."

"Did something happen gorgeous? Why do you wanna leave so bad?" Derek asked me after taking a sip of his beer.

"Nothing happened." I mumbled.

"You sure?" He asked again.

"Nothing happened, just drop it." I said, grabbing my phone from JJ. I was about to turn around to leave when I saw him walk past.

"Where did the attitude come from?" Morgan asked jokingly. My body tensed up. I hadn't been this close to him since five months ago. He didn't see me. Thank God. I needed a sense of protection, something that walking home alone didn't have. I put my phone in my bra and wrapped my arms around JJ's waist, leaning into her side. "Mood swings." He said with a laugh. JJ put her arm around my shoulders.

"JJ can we please leave?" I whimpered, tears stinging in my eyes. She sensed that something was really wrong and went into protective mode.

"Morgan we have to go. I'm sorry."

"No worries, I understand." He said sincerely. JJ and I walked out of the club together and walked home quickly.

"Don't feel pressured to tell me what happened, ok?" She told me.

"Ok." I nodded.

I quickly stripped down when we were in our bedroom and put on her hoodie and sweatpants. "Those are mine." She said while laughing. I didn't answer, just got into bed and curled up in a ball. I felt her mood shift as she realized something was seriously wrong. She didn't say anything though, just got into bed next to me and faced me. "I know I said to not feel pressured to talk...but I am here if you need to." I nodded and linked our pinkies together. It was our way of saying through actions that we really needed comfort but what we needed comfort for was too hard to talk about. I had only ever done it once, the night I was raped. I felt a tear fall down my cheek and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. She wiped it away with her other hand and kissed it. I frowned and looked away from her, embarrassed that she was seeing me like this and that I couldn't tell her why.

"I'm uh...I'm not going to be able to sleep." I whispered, wiping another tear that had fallen down my face.

"That's ok, I'll stay up with you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to." I opened my mouth to say something. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her so badly but the words got stuck in my throat.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say.

"What for?"

"Never mind." I mumbled, shaking my head and moving back from her a little bit.

"Hey, come back here." She said in a soft voice, gently putting her arm on my waist. By the way she handled me I wondered if she already knew. She pulled me closer to her and I pulled my hood up over my head and buried my face in her chest, tangling our legs together while more tears poured down my face. My body tensed up as I held back sobs. She rubbed my back to try to get me to relax. "You can tell me anything."

"I know." I nodded into her chest. "I want to tell you but I don't know why it's so hard to get it out of my mouth."

"Hey, take a break, it's ok. Do you wanna write it down for me?" I nodded. She reached across me to grab a Post-It note from my nightstand. She handed it to me and I sat up, just staring at it. I glanced at her when she sat up and she gave me an assuring nod. "Take your time." I wrote down what happened slowly.

Five months ago I was raped. And I saw him at the club.

I handed it back to her and stared down at
my lap, feeling ashamed. "You don't have to say anything Jayje-"

"Can I hug you?"

"Please." She put her arms around me and pulled me into her. Her fingertips ran lightly across my back.

"I know you probably don't wanna talk about it. But I want you to know that I'm always here if you want to. Always." She knew that I never liked to talk about my mental health or anything so she always made a point of letting me know she was here for me. I buried my face into her neck, feeling like a weight was lifted off my chest. I had been more closed off around her for the last five months and was hoping that she hadn't noticed. She hasn't said anything but now I didn't have to hide. "You alive?"

"Yeah." My voice was shaky.

"Are you crying?" Her hand stopped rubbing my back and she turned her head so she could see my face.

"No." I turned my face away from her. I moved so I was on her lap and let a single tear slide down my cheek.

"Honey, can you look at me?" I turned my head and she put her hand on my cheek, looking into my eyes while hers were full of love and sympathy. "Thank you for telling me. I know that was hard, and I'm really glad that you felt like you could tell me about it." I nodded.

"I trust you more than anyone." She smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I love you."

"I love you too."