Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Can I Listen To Your Heartbeat? ⚠️

⚠️ EATING DISORDER ⚠️

"I'm home!" JJ said excitedly as she walked into our home.

"Hi." I gave her a tired smile as I sipped on my black coffee. She walked over to me and kissed my cheek. I didn't smile and she leaned against the counter.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong." I told her, staring down at the counter.

"Yes there is." She put her arm around me but I shrugged it off.

"Can you not touch me right now?" I walked in a whisper.

"Y/n, you're scaring me, what's wrong?" She pulled her arm back and gave me a worried look.

"Nothings wrong."

"Y/n-"

"Jayje...please, can I just not talk about it for once?"

"Ok, fine. You want me to stay?" I shook my head, never looking at her. "Ok." She left and went up the stairs.

Once I heard our bedroom door close I took the weight loss pills out of my pocket, taking one and then sighing, resting my head on the counter and setting the pull bottle on the kitchen counter.

About an hour later I decided to walk up to bed. I saw that JJ was still awake, on her phone. I stood in the doorway for a second. "Hey honey." She said, putting her phone down. I really wanted nothing more than to just jump into her arms and cry, but I didn't want to worry her. Maybe I just shouldn't cry, but I could jump into her arms. "Honey?"

"Oh, sorry." I walked towards the foot of the bed and played with my fingers.

"What is it?"

"Can...can we cuddle?" I asked shyly, feeling bad about telling her to not touch me earlier.

"Of course sweetheart, you don't have to ask." She opened her arms and I crawled onto her carefully, resting my head on her chest. She put her arms around me. I felt her chest rise up as she took a breath, about to say something.

"I'm tired." I breathed out.

"Ok honey, get some rest, I'll be here when you wake up."

I woke up when I heard the alarm go off. "Good morning." She whispered softly, playing with my hair.

"Good morning."

"I'm going to go make breakfast."

"I don't want anything."

"I'll just make some for myself, is that ok?" I nodded and rolled off of her. My eyes widened as I remembered I left the pill bottle on the counter. Shit. Shit. Shit. "Honey? What is this?" She called from downstairs. I didn't answer and my heart rate picked up as I heard her walking back up the stairs. She walked into the room and looked at me with a frown. "Honey...why are you taking these?" She sat down next to me and put her hand on my back.

"My doctor prescribed them."

"I'm not dumb, they're not in a prescription bottle." I didn't answer. "Look...I know what these are for, and I've noticed that you've been struggling recently. Now...I think I have a pretty good idea of what's happening, but we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"Thank you." She put her hand under my shirt and rubbed it slowly, causing goosebumps to form all along my spine. It felt really comforting. I knew she was doing it to get me to calm down and eventually open up to her, but I wasn't going to stop her.

She sat there, rubbing my back soothingly for ten minutes until I said something. "It's not really something I want to do. I feel like I have to do it, to be happy with my body." She never faltered her comforting motions.

"How much weight have you lost on them?"

"Ten pounds."

"Do you feel any better about yourself?"

"No. But if I keep taking them, then maybe I will."

"It's a cycle honey. I hate to say this, but you're never going to think you're thin enough." I didn't say anything and rolled onto my back so I could face her. She leaned down to kiss my forehead and she hesitantly touched my stomach. I nodded, telling her that it was ok. She caressed my stomach and stared down at me lovingly.

"I really don't know what I would do without you." I reached up to touch her face and she smiled. "I uh...I know you wanted to make breakfast...but can you stay here with me?" She nodded and smiled.

"Of course. Want to cuddle?"

"Can I listen to your heartbeat?" She nodded and I rested my head on her chest. I drapes my arm over her waist and pulled her more into me. "I love you." I whispered, my voice breaking.

"I love you too." She put her hand over the one over her waist. "We can stay like this as long as you need."

"Thank you."

"Anytime."