Jennifer Jareau Imagines

I'm Not Hungry ⚠️

⚠️ EATING DISORDER ⚠️

My stomach growled as I watched Rossi bring in food for the whole team. He set some food down in front of me but I pushed it away. "Not hungry." I said with a soft laugh, crossing my arms over my stomach. I left as everyone ate and grabbed myself a coffee. I jumped when I felt a hand on my back.

"Sorry." I heard JJ's voice.

"You're ok. Why are you in here?"

"I wanted to eat with you. This case has been going on for way too long and I feel like I haven't been able to spend time with you." I smiled but I couldn't quite meet her eyes. "Where's your food?"

"I'm not hungry." I explained.

"You shouldn't be drinking coffee on an empty stomach."

"Oh." I put the coffee down and gave her an awkward smile.

"Why are you acting shy y/n, we're married?" She said, half jokingly.

"No reason." We walked to a secluded table and sat across from each other.

"What do you want to do after the case is over?" JJ asked.

"Um...I don't know. Probably just rest. We haven't been home for a while."

"Yeah. We should go to a celebratory dinner with the team after we catch this guy."

"We've had too many of those. We do that every time." I protested.

"Then what else could we do?"

"I don't know. Dave and Busters?"

"Dave and Busters?" She said while laughing. I just shrugged and played with my fingers. "Hey. What's going on with you?" She asked, taking a bite of her food.

"What do you mean?"

"You seem sad...and tired."

"Well, I am tired." I looked down at my fingers.

"Do you need to take a nap?" I shook my head. "Wanna talk?"

"About what?"

"About anything. We've barely talked these past 2 weeks."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, it's ok. I just miss you." Her words warmed my heart and I blushed a little.

"I missed you too." My stomach grumbled and I frowned.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" I nodded.

"I have to go." I whispered, feeling sick to my stomach. I rushed to the bathroom and vomited a few times before having some gum I always kept with me and going back to the conference room.

When we got back home three days later JJ really wanted to order in from a new restaurant that had opened down the block. "What do you want?"

"I don't want anything Jayje." I sighed, rubbing my temples. She sat down next to me and put her phone down.

"What's going on?" She grabbed my hand and kissed it while I just stared at the ground. "You don't have to say anything right this second but I know somethings bothering you." She kissed my hand again. "I'll wait but I'm staying here till you tell me what it is." I gulped but gave her my other hand. She gladly took it and squeezed it comfortingly. I sighed and we sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I really don't want to talk about it." I whispered.

"Y/n, you know what the bureau therapist said. You have to talk about things. We have to talk about things."

"Yeah, but that's if it's related to cases."

"So it's not related to a case?" I didn't answer. "Even if it's not related to a case we still need to talk about it. Your mental health matters to me and it seems like you're really struggling right now." She kissed my hands again and scooted closer to me. "I'm here for you. I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Ok?" I nodded and sighed.

"I'm uh...I'm finding it hard to eat right now." She put her chin on my shoulder and tucked my hair behind my ear so she could kiss my cheek.

"Yeah?" I nodded slightly. "How long?"

"About a month." I breathed out.

"Is it because you're anxious?" I shook my head and I felt her jaw clench as she realized it had come back. "Ok, is it-"

"Don't say it. I don't...I don't want to believe that it's gotten that bad again so just...just don't say it." She nodded and kissed my cheek again.

"Ok. I won't." I nodded. "When was the last time you ate?"

"2 days ago."

"What did you eat?"

"Protein bar."

"Ok, I'm going to get you some food. What do you want? I'm not going to force feed you, I'll get you whatever you want, I just want you to eat."

"Yogurt."

"Ok, what kind?"

"Just plain." She nodded and grabbed it for me. I ate the whole thing slowly with my head on her shoulder. Once I put it down I grabbed her hand and she kissed my forehead.

"You ok?" She whispered. I shook my head as my stomach churned.

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Can you lie down for me?" I nodded and lied down on my back. She lifted my shirt up a little bit and rubbed my stomach softly before kissing it. My body felt light and euphoric as she kept kissing it while caressing it.

"Jayje?" She lifted her head up. "Keep going." I tangled my hands in her hair and her eyes softened.

"Honey, we're not going to do anything right now." I pouted.

"Why?"

"Because you might pass out. I want you to be safe, ok?" I nodded and she kissed my stomach one last time before pecking my lips. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah...but it could be even better."

"Honey." She sighed and pecked my lips.

"I know. I know."

"You ok though?"

"Right now or in general?"

"Both."

"Right now, yes. In general, no."

"Ok, tell me if you need anything?" I gave her a small nod and she laughed. "Do you need something?"

"Hold me?"

"Of course." She put her arms around me and pulled me on top of her. My ear was on top of her chest as I listened to her heartbeat. "Good night honey."

"Good night."