Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Why Are You Crying? ⚠️

⚠️ EATING DISORDER ⚠️

I blinked back tears as I stared at the photo of myself I had taken last night. I wanted to throw my phone across the office and scream but I couldn't. Someone would hear and I would have to answer a bunch of questions. I looked at the apple that was on my desk and threw it in my drawer before resting my head in my hands, silently crying.

A few minutes later the door opened and I held my breath, wiping the tears off of my face before I looked up. "Hi." I said when I saw that it was JJ. She gave me a concerned look and pulled up a chair next to me.

"Why are you crying?" Her voice was soft and caring as always.

"It's nothing." I flexed my hands and looked at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm." She knew I was lying but didn't wanna press too much.

"Ok, well, I wanted to come in here to ask if you wanted to go out for lunch?" I shook my head. "Ok...do you want me to leave?"

"No. Please stay." I didn't think I could be alone right now.

"Ok, I'm going to get my laptop, I'm gonna be right back." I nodded and waited for her to come back.

When she came back she sat down next to me again. "I got you some water."

"Thank you."

"No problem." She hesitated, like she was waiting for me to say something. I wanted to but I didn't. "If you don't wanna go out to eat, can I make you something."

"I'm really not hungry Jayje." I mumbled, opening a case file and starting to fill it out.

"Ok." She put her hand on my thigh and I froze for a second. "You ok?" She pulled her hand away, wondering if she had done the wrong thing. She had done it hundreds of times before but maybe now just wasn't the right time?

I rested my head in my hands again and held back a sob as a tear ran down my cheek. "Honey...why are you crying? Please talk to me." She put her hand on mine and brought it away from my face so she could see me. She wiped the tear away and kissed my cheek, resting her forehead against the side of my head.

"If there was anything about me that you could change, what would it be?"

"Nothing. Honey I wouldn't change anything." She tucked my hair behind my ear. "What is this about?"

"Nothing." I opened the file again and she pulled it away.

"It's obviously something, and it's really bugging you so we're going to talk about it." I sighed and leaned back in my chair, staring at my hands in my lap and playing with my fingers. She put her hands over mine. "There's no reason to be nervous. It's just me."

"I know."

"Then what's upsetting you so much?" She squeezed my hand and kissed my temple.

"I wish I looked like you."

"What?"

"Blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny, everyone loves you, everyone stares at you when you walk in the room, your smile is contagious-"

"Y/n stop. You're beautiful. Don't doubt that, ok? Honey, everyone's different, you don't have to look exactly like me to be beautiful." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the photo from last night. I showed it to her and her eyes widened.

"That's what I look like. After a week of not eating and then eating a bowl of blueberries. Blueberries. And I bloat like this?" I put my phone down and stared at the table. JJ turned off my phone and put her hand on my thigh.

"You didn't eat for a week?"

"Yeah."

"You can't do that."

"I did."

"You can't do that again y/n."

"Why not?"

"It's not healthy. It's really not healthy." She said passionately, meeting my eyes. "Your body needs food to survive and if you're not eating you're killing yourself honey."

"I don't care."

"Why don't you care?"

"Because I don't want to look the way I look. I hate my body-"

"Don't say that-"

"I'm never going to be pretty enough, or skinny enough and I hate that I was born this way-"

"Honey please don't talk about yourself like that." She put her arms around me.

"I don't need a hug right now."

"But I'm going to give you one anyway." I relaxed in her embrace. "Starving yourself isn't an option-"

"But-"

"No. End of discussion." I pulled away from her and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. I looked into her eyes and saw her looking at me with a heartbroken face.

"See, if I hadn't told you this, you wouldn't be looking like a sad puppy right now."

"I'm really glad you told me." I looked away from her. "Can you look at me?" I shook my head.

"Can you go away now?"

"No, I'm not leaving you like this." I crossed my arms over my chest and looked back at her. "You can't starve yourself." I didn't respond. "Do you understand me?" I nodded slightly.

"Are you mad?"

"No I'm not mad at you." She put her hand on the side of my face. "I promise I'm not mad." She turned my face towards her. "But I need you to understand that starving yourself is not healthy. It's not an option." She saw the tears welling up in my eyes again and she kissed my forehead. "I promise I'm not mad." I leaned my head down to rest on her chest and she put her hand on my back. "I just want you to be happy and healthy."

"Me too."

"I love you y/n."

"I love you too."