Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Depression ⚠️

⚠️ DEPRESSION AND SELF HARM ⚠️

"Y/n?" I heard JJ's voice as she walked up the stairs. I was taking time off of work and she was working from home so that she could stay with me. Hotch had demanded that I take time off for my mental health and told JJ to stay with me. "I'm done working for today." She sat down next to me on the bed and I turned over so that I wasn't facing her. "Have you eaten anything today?" I shrugged and pulled the covers up higher so they were covering my shoulders. She moved closer to me and rubbed my shoulder.

A few more minutes passed and no one had said anything. "Have you done anything?" She whispered. I shook my head. "Can I see?" She asked, referring to my wrists to make sure I haven't done anything new. I hesitantly nodded and she grabbed my hands gently, kissing them a few times before rolling up my sleeves. I moved onto my back and stared at the ceiling, feeling empty. Once she checked my wrists and kissed my scars and cuts she moved the covers off of my body and lifted up my shirt about six inches and kissed my scars there. She looked at me and I nodded, giving her permission to roll up my shorts. She didn't kiss there, knowing that it was only something I liked during sex and this was not that time. "Do you need anything?" I shrugged and rolled over again, but this time I was facing her. "Is it ok if I stay in here and watch some tv?"

"Mhm." I hummed. It was the first time I had made a sound in a few hours and I could sense her small smile. She turned on the tv to watch Friends and I just stared at the bedsheets, feeling absolutely numb. There was a lump in my throat like I needed to cry and it was a dull ache. Nothing would come out and it felt like my chest had a hole in it.

After she watched one episode she turned the tv off and lied down so she was facing me. "Do you want to talk?" I shrugged. She put her hand over mine and caressed it. "It's going to get better." She said with a small nod. "I promise." When my lip started to tremble she kissed my forehead and ran her hand up my side.

A few minutes passed and she moved. "I'm going to go make dinner."

"Don't go." I whispered, looking up at her with pleading eyes. She leaned down to kiss my forehead and put her hand on my arm.

"Come here." She put her hands under my arms and pulled me on top of her. She did most of the work because I was too tired to even move. I straddled her legs and she put her arms around me as she rested against the headboard. "You need to eat something." She whispered, kissing my cheek.

"I'm not hungry."

"Your body needs food honey. Should I just order something?" I shrugged. "What do you want?"

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled again.

"I'm going to order pizza, ok?"

"K." I rested my chin on her shoulder and let out a deep sigh. She rubbed my back and kissed my cheek.

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing."

"Y/n. I know that's not true. Talk to me, please."

"I'm tired."

"You've been in bed all day."

"I know." I breathed out.

"Do you want to go outside?" I shook my head.

"This is...this is really nice." I admitted, referring to her arms around me. We hadn't really cuddled at all the past week and I missed it. "I think it's helping right now." I felt her cheeks pull up in a smile.

"Ok. Ok, we can stay like this honey. I'm going to order pizza though. I won't let go, I promise." I nodded.

20 minutes later the pizza came and JJ had to get up to get it. She put the pizza down on the bed and then sat down next to me. I put my head on her lap and JJ stroked my hair. "Can I eat later, I'm not hungry." I whispered.

"Of course honey. Just promise me that you will eat."

"I promise." She closed the pizza box and rubbed my side while turning on the tv. We watched another episode of Friends and I laughed a couple times. I grabbed a slice of pizza and took a few bites before handing it to JJ. She ate the rest and then pulled me up between her legs so my head was resting against her chest. She put her hands under my hoodie and caressed my stomach.

"Are you feeling a bit better?" She whispered before kissing my neck softly.

"A little bit." I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye and I relaxed. "I'm tired."

"Can you eat a bit more?" I sighed. "I just want to make sure you have enough food baby." I nodded reluctantly and grabbed another price of pizza, eating about half of it before putting it back. I turned around in her arms and put my arms around her neck, burying my face into her neck. "Do you want to lie down?" I shook my head.

"It's only 7, you probably don't want to sleep." I mumbled.

"Is it ok if I keep watching tv?" I nodded and she kissed my cheek. "I love you honey. More than anything in this world. I'll do anything to make you feel better, ok?" I nodded and bit my lip as it started to tremble.

"I love you too Jayje."

"Now get some sleep sweetheart." I smiled softly and closed my eyes before drifting off to sleep.