Jennifer Jareau Imagines

What Are You Doing? ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

"Hello?" JJ asked as she opened the door downstairs. "Baby?"

"Shit." I tried to clean up the blood on my wrists as I heard her walking up the stairs.

"Are you in there?" JJ asked as she knocked on the bathroom door.

"Y-yeah, give me a minute." I froze when she opened the door. She dropped her bags and rushed over to me.

"What are you doing?"

"I um...um..." She wasn't even paying attention to what I was saying anymore, just cleaning up the blood and bandaging my wrist. She pulled me in for a tight hug once she cleaned everything up and I relaxed into her arms after a couple minutes.

"Honey, honey why would you do that to yourself?" She stroked my hair and kissed my temple repeatedly.

"I...I don't know I'm sorry."

"Shh no, don't apologize. Don't apologize. I'm right here." She rocked us back and forth and rubbed my back.

"How was the case?"

"Don't change the subject honey." She rested her chin on the top of my head and then walked us slowly to the bed. "Baby...why?"

"I don't even know, it's really hard to explain."

"Ok, ok. I understand."

"I'm sorry Jayje-"

"No. Don't apologize honey." I nodded and she pulled away from me, tilting my chin up to look at her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I don't need to hear it back honey. I just need you to know that I love you." I gave her an awkward smile. "I love you." I nodded. "I love you."

"I know Jayje."

"I love you. You don't have to go through this by yourself. Ok? You have me. Always. I love you so much." She gently grabbed my wrist and caressed the bandages. "How long have you been doing this?"

"Just a month."

"Anytime before that? Was this a relapse?" She tucked my hair behind my ear and my heart almost exploded when I saw the amount of love and care in her eyes. I nodded. "It was a relapse?" I nodded again. "What usually causes you to relapse?" My lip started to tremble. "It's ok, you don't have to tell me right now but we need to talk about this at some point."

"No, I want to talk about it right now."

"Ok, that's good." She smiled and grabbed my hands.

"I um...I usually relapse when I feel myself falling into another depressive episode." She nodded and caressed my hands.

"Do you need to get back on your meds?" I shrugged and looked down. "Can you look at me?" I looked back up at her with sad eyes. "I want you to be ok, so if you ever need to talk about anything I'm here. I'm always going to be here for you." I nodded. "I'll help you find some healthier coping mechanisms, ok?"

"Ok."

"Starting now." I nodded and she moved so she was sitting next to me. "A lot of times what helps me is to talk about it." I nodded, knowing that she talked to me a lot about what was bothering her. I always wanted to be there for bed and it was comforting to know she wanted to do the same for me. "Writing about it also tends to help a lot of people, therapy."

"I don't want to go to therapy."

"Ok, that's ok. Sometimes meditation works, yoga, listening to music, cuddling." I smiled and she noticed. "You like that?"

"Yeah, I want to try that one." I lightly smiled at her and she opened her arms. I practically jumped into them and she lied down on her back. My head rested on her chest and I listened to her heartbeat. I tangled our legs together and clutched her shirt. She played with my hair and pulled the covers up over us. "Jayje?" I asked in a whisper.

"Hm?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. Honey, no I'm not mad." She pulled me up so my face was buried in her neck. "Did you think I was?" I shrugged. "Baby I wouldn't get mad because of that, ever. I just want you to be ok."

"I really love you." I whispered as I nuzzled my nose into her neck.

"I love you too honey."