Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Isn't He In Prison? ⚠️

⚠️ SEXUAL ABUSE ⚠️

I clicked my pen and stared at it while Hotch explained our new budgets for this year. We had more money due to solving every single case we had the past 365 days. I could see JJ watching me out of the corner of her eye but I didn't care.

I heard everyone moving a few minutes later and saw that it was only JJ and I left sitting in our chairs. "Hi." I said quietly.

"Hi...you ok?"

"Mhm." I nodded and pulled my knees up to my chest, still watching as the pen clicked.

"Hey, why don't you put that down." She put her hand over my hand that was holding the pen gently and looked at me. I nodded and she took it away from me. I continued to stare at it, not wanting to meet her gaze. "Can you look at me?" I turned to look at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok." I gave her a small smile.

"You haven't been sleeping."

"Yes I have."

"Honey I can feel you tossing and turning all night."

"Oh." I looked down.

"What's keeping you up?" I shrugged and kept my eyes trained on the floor. "Honey, can you look at me?" I looked back up at her but didn't quite meet her eyes. "My eyes." I sighed and made eye contact. "So...what's been keeping you up?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." I mumbled.

"Honey-"

"It doesn't even matter." She sighed and reached for my hand.

"It does honey."

"Well, I don't want to talk about it." I played with my wedding ring and she sighed.

"Then I have to go." She stood up and I heard her footsteps as she walked out of the conference room. I grabbed my pen back and started clicking it.

I didn't see JJ again until we were driving home. We didn't say a word to each other in the car until we were both sitting down on the couch. She watched as I fiddled with my ring and then rested her head on my shoulder. "Hi." I whispered.

"Hi." She reached for my hand and held it. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." I tapped my fingers against my thumb individually, counting every time one of them came in contact with my thumb.

"What's that?"

"Hm?"

"The counting?"

"Oh. I don't know. Just keeps me calm I guess."

"Are you anxious right now?"

"No."

"Then why-"

"Can you stop asking questions?" I let go of her hand and stood up, walking to our bedroom and shutting the door.

I grabbed a stress ball from my nightstand and squeezed it before tossing it up into the air and caching it as I lied down on my back.

JJ left me alone for around ten minutes but then walked into the bedroom, lying down next to me. She turned her head and kissed my shoulder. "I do it to keep myself from thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"My dad."

"Isn't he-"

"In prison? Yeah. Today is the fifth year anniversary of him being there. He's still got another 30 years."

"Do you miss him?"

"No. No, I hate him." I stopped throwing the ball and just squeezed it, trying to focus on the feeling of JJ's body pressed against mine. "Have you ever had someone you loved take advantage of you because you loved them?"

"No...is that what he did to you?"

"Everyday. And the way I got through it was by focusing on my hands. One of the only parts of my body he didn't touch."

"He...touched you?" I squeezed the stress ball even tighter. "Honey, where did he touch you?" I didn't speak and she placed her hand gently on my stomach. "Not there."

"Lower?"

"Yeah." She didn't trail her hand lower, just caressed my stomach and kissed my cheek.

"Do you need a minute alone?"

"No...I think...you're better. I don't wanna shut you out." She nodded and I put the stress ball down, shutting my eyes.

"Why didn't you ever tell me? We've been dating for two and a half years." She whispered.

"It's really hard to talk about. And I didn't want you to feel sorry for me." I turned onto my side so I was facing her. "Can...can we cuddle?" I asked. She smiled and nodded. I rested my head on her chest and tangled our legs together. She played with my hair and kissed the top of my head while gently running her fingers up and down my sides.

"Thank you for telling me." My hand scrunched her shirt up and twisted it around. "I like being here for you." I smiled.

"It's nice to hear someone say that."

"I love you."

"I love you too."