Jennifer Jareau Imagines

Oh Honey ⚠️

⚠️ PANIC ATTACK AND SEXUAL ABUSE ⚠️

I paced around my office while holding my hands behind my head, trying to take deep breaths but all they were coming out as were shallow, rapid, and desperate. "Fuck fuck fuck." Usually I would have someone to help me through this, like JJ but I didn't see her anywhere in sight. I groaned quietly and jumped when I heard my door open.

"Honey...are you ok?" JJ dropped the files she was going to give me on my desk but then rushed over to me. I practically fell into her arms I was so grateful to see her. "It's ok." She whispered to me. I let out an anxious whimper and she held me in her arms, basically holding me up. "It's ok, I'm here. Can you try to take some deep breaths with me?" I nodded frantically. "Ok. In 2, 3, 4, out 2, 3, 4, in, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4." She continued counting until my breathing had steadied.

"Thank you." I whispered, pulling away from her. My hands were still trembling and I was an anxious mess but at least I could breathe.

"Let's sit down, ok?" I nodded and she led me to the couch. She sat me down on it and then knelt down in front of me, resting her arms on my knees as she looked up at me with worried eyes. "What's wrong?" She reached for my trembling hands and held them in hers. I avoided her eyes and shrugged.

"Don't know." I mumbled. I knew she could tell I was lying but that's a problem for later.

"How long ago did it start?"

"5 minutes."

"Ok." She nodded. "What happened when it started?" I clenched my jaw and looked over her head, hands trembling even more now. "It's ok. I'm not mad baby, I'm not mad."

"I...I don't wanna talk." I said so quietly I wasn't even sure she could hear me.

"You don't wanna talk about it?" I nodded. "Do you want me to leave?" I shrugged and she rested her chin on my knees. "I'm here for you, ok?" She looked sort of sad.

"I know."

"You can talk to me if you want. You don't have to, but I'm here." I nodded and she stood up. "Tell me if you need anything, alright?" I nodded but kept my eyes on the ground. "I'll see you at home." She kissed the top of my head and then walked away, leaving me alone.

When we got home I was still internally an anxious mess. "Hey." JJ put her hand on my back, snapping me back into reality. "You alright?"

"Mhm." I put all my stuff down and walked away from her.

"Hey." Her voice was soft. "Don't run away from me."

"Sorry." My voice was soft like a helpless child.

"Is something going on?" She asked, opening her arms in case I wanted to hug her. I did so I walked into her arms. I shrugged and took a deep breath before pulling away from the hug.

"You should go."

"This is my room too honey."

"I know...but." My lip started to tremble and I couldn't finish my sentence. I sat down on the foot of the bed and she sat down next to me. "You don't have to stay with me."

"I want to." She put her hand on my thigh and I froze.

"S-stop." She immediately took her hand off of my thigh. "Don't touch me there." I whispered. "Please." I could practically hear her realization.

"Oh honey."

"No. No we're not doing this right now."

"Ok, that's fine." She agreed. "But do you want to talk about it at all?" I shook my head and held it in my hands. She put her hand on my back and rubbed it soothingly.

"I didn't want you to know." She sighed and I could see her frown out of the corner of my eye. "I didn't mean that as in I don't trust you...I just didn't want anyone to know. Your damn profiler brain." I said with a slight laugh as I tried to fight back tears.

"I don't think of you differently. I do wish you told me though."

"I know." She kissed my temple. "When I talk about it I think about it and it's not fair to me to have to relive it."

"I understand honey. You don't have to explain it to me, I understand." I nodded and she tucked my hair behind my ear. "What do you need?"

"My brain to be shut off." I rubbed my face. "I can't stop thinking about it. It's on replay in my mind and every time...every single time ai remember him touching me or seeing his face I get so overwhelmed and I need to think about something else, anything else."

"Ok. Movie?"

"Yes." I agreed, making my way to the back of the bed and cuddling up to her once she got comfortable next to me.

"Do you even want to watch the movie?" She asked. I had moved so I was completely on top of her with both my legs on either side of her, keeping both of us in place. I shrugged and hid my face in her neck. "I'm gonna take that as a no." She put her arms around me and pulled the covers up. I smiled and hugged her tighter.

"You're comfortable."

"Is this ok? Are you still thinking about it?" I shook my head.

"Ok good. In that case we can stay like this." She rubbed my back and let out a content sigh. "I love you baby."

"I love you too."