Jennifer Jareau Imagines

You're Somebody Else

JJ and I sat across from each other on the jet. I stared out the window with my fist over my mouth. She was staring at me but I was too zoned out to notice.

When we got home I sighed as I put my coat on its hanger and walked up the stairs. "Y/n?" JJ's soft voice diverted my attention away from the stairs and to her. I turned around and leaned on the rail.

"Hm?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just trying to get to bed." I yawned and covered my mouth.

"Can you come down here?" I nodded and walked down to her, standing a couple feet away from her. She immediately pulled me into a hug that I wasn't expecting.

"Are you ok?" I asked her, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Yes. I'm ok." She pulled away and looked at me with worried eyes. "I love you." She told me.

"I love you too."

"And I'm here for you." My heart sank. I knew where this was going. "You can talk to me." Her voice sounded almost pleading.

"I know." I looked down at the floor and back up to her.

"Please talk."

"About what?" I sounded so defeated and I knew she noticed. I could see it on her face.

"You're not yourself." She grabbed my hands and caressed them before bringing them to her lips and kissing them. "You don't smile anymore. You don't laugh. You always wear baggy clothes." She whispered. "And when you talk...you don't sound like yourself."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not baby. We both know you're not." She blinked back tears and I looked down at the ground, ashamed. "It's like you're somebody else." My heart broke when I heard her voice waver. "You're making me nervous."

"Babe...I-"

"Don't say you're fine." I nodded and bit my lip.

"I'm just struggling a bit right now, that's all." My lip trembled and I covered it with my hands. "You don't have to worry about it."

"That's for me to decide."

"Can you hold me?" She immediately wrapped her arms around me as I silently cried into her chest. My legs gave out and my sobs become louder and more consistent. I fell against her and she slowly crouched down to the ground, pulling myself between her legs. She kissed every inch of my body that she could reach and rubbed my back, holding me tightly.

Once I stopped sobbing I pulled away from her and smiled lightly as she kissed every inch of my face. She continued kissing all over my face for a few minutes until she started kissing down my neck. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around her waist, humming at the sensation. "You're not alone." She whispered in between kisses. "I'm here." I squeezed her shoulder, signaling that I understood. She kissed all the way down to my collarbone and then pulled my shirt down my shoulder so she could kiss it. I let out a breathy moan and she kissed back up to my lips. "I love you." She walked up the stairs and placed me on the bed before sitting down next to me. "Do you want to talk?" She whispered, propping herself up on her elbow and facing me.

"I feel so sick all the time." I said, staring at the ceiling.

"What do you mean?" She played with the strings of my sweatpants and I sighed.

"I'm so anxious and unmotivated...I feel like I want to throw up half the time because of how anxious I am." I put my hand over my heart as it started to pound. She put her hand over mine and squeezed it. "It's like a big cloud of tiredness has just taken over me." I turned onto my side and nuzzled my nose into JJ's neck.

"Do you feel anything?"

"Not really. And when I do it's not good." I let out a sigh and reached for her hand. "It's like I have an inability to feel happy."

"I really hate that you feel like this." She said sadly, kissing my forehead. I just shrugged.

"It is what it is."

"You won't feel like this forever."

"I'm trying to believe that."

"You're gonna be ok." She pulled me on top of her and rubbed my back. "I'm always going to be here for you, ok?" I nodded and kissed her neck. "Get some sleep, I know you're tired." I smiled and shut my eyes, falling asleep within minutes.